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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 07-27-2007, 11:15 PM Thread Starter
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Question Another Scandal Brewing - Eli Manning

Authorities Discover Illegal Frog-Jumping Ring In Eli Manning's Backyard

BUTTERFIELD, MO—Authorities responding to complaints of excessive hooting and hollering on a 15-acre farm owned by New York Giants quarterback Eli Manning discovered an illegal frog-jumping ring Friday, leading to the arrest of Wilbur Jefferson, Manning's second cousin and the farm's only resident. "We have identified as many as a dozen violations of federal batrachian-cruelty laws concerning the procuring, housing, and training of the bullfrogs forced to take part in these underground leaping competitions," Barry County Sheriff's Department spokesman Brad Winters told reporters as photographers worked to document frog-jumping implements such as lengths of knotted measuring twine, jars of pond water, and a burial pit containing the bodies of legless and presumably defeated frogs. "We are not certain if Manning himself is involved, but he has been named as a person of interest in this case, and we have collected smokeless tobacco samples for DNA analysis." Winters would not confirm that police had acquired a cell-phone video in which a squatting Manning was clearly shown warning Jeremy Shockey against touching the amphibians during the contest, weighing opponents' frogs with buckshot, or using toads.

http://www.theonion.com/content/news...ities_discover


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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 07-28-2007, 02:16 AM
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I heard they hanged the losers. True Story.

"The problem with doing nothing is you never know when your finished."
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post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 07-28-2007, 01:09 PM
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I bet they ate their legs off! Fucking rednecks! You don't hear about cockfighters eating the losers.

Except for that El Camino guy, but he has a problem not eating cock
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post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 07-28-2007, 03:01 PM Thread Starter
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I may have, in fact, accidentally ingested several cocks that were placed in packages that were deceptively labeled "chicken breast."

But I've yet to have any frog legs.


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post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 07-28-2007, 08:32 PM
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I may have, in fact, accidentally ingested several cocks

QOTY?
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post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 07-29-2007, 10:12 AM
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I'm sure you're all familiar with Mark Twain...

"Well, thish-yer Smiley had rat-tarriers, and chicken cocks, and tom- cats, and all of them kind of things, till you couldn't rest, and you couldn't fetch nothing for him to bet on but he'd match you. He ketched a frog one day, and took him home, and said he cal'klated to edercate him; and so he never done nothing for three months but set in his back yard and learn that frog to jump. And you bet you he did learn him, too. He'd give him a little punch behind, and the next minute you'd see that frog whirling in the air like a doughnut see him turn one summerset, or may be a couple, if he got a good start, and come down flat-footed and all right, like a cat. He got him up so in the matter of catching flies, and kept him in practice so constant, that he'd nail a fly every time as far as he could see him. Smiley said all a frog wanted was education, and he could do most any thing and I believe him. Why, I've seen him set Dan'l Webster down here on this floor Dan'l Webster was the name of the frog and sing out, "Flies, Dan'l, flies!" and quicker'n you could wink, he'd spring straight up, and snake a fly off'n the counter there, and flop down on the floor again as solid as a gob of mud, and fall to scratching the side of his head with his hind foot as indifferent as if he hadn't no idea he'd been doin' any more'n any frog might do. You never see a frog so modest and straightforward as he was, for all he was so gifted. And when it come to fair and square jumping on a dead level, he could get over more ground at one straddle than any animal of his breed you ever see. Jumping on a dead level was his strong suit, you understand; and when it come to that, Smiley would ante up money on him as long as he had a red. Smiley was monstrous proud of his frog, and well he might be, for fellers that had traveled and been everywheres, all said he laid over any frog that ever they see."
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post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 07-29-2007, 03:44 PM Thread Starter
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I thought that was Huckleberry Finn.


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