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post #1 of 16 (permalink) Old 10-06-2006, 02:13 AM Thread Starter
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Exclamation Albert Haynesworth...

Suspended Tackle Albert Haynesworth: 'I Just Wanted To Make Sure The Guy Was Dead'

October 5, 2006 | Onion Sports

NASHVILLE, TN—Defensive tackle Albert Haynesworth, suspended five games by the NFL for stomping on the head and kicking the face of Cowboys center Andre Gurode last Sunday, issued a statement this morning saying he "just wanted to make absolutely sure [Gurode] was dead for good." "The Titans pay me to do one thing out there—kill anyone who gets in my way," said Haynesworth, who is serving the longest suspension for on-field actions in league history for his attempted murder. "Doing a thorough job is just good fundamentals… On your first day of high-school ball, they tell you football's no more than blocking, tackling, and bodily assault with the intent to commit homicide." League officials have suggested that Haynesworth's suspension also include anger-management therapy and a refresher course in the rules and principles of football.

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/53699


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post #2 of 16 (permalink) Old 10-06-2006, 02:28 AM
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damn, crazy mofo

TFS heads
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It's a 302 btw
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post #3 of 16 (permalink) Old 10-06-2006, 04:41 AM
We lost one.....
 
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I say ban him. He is a liability no matter what team he is on. If the NFL is serious about cleaning up its image this would be a good place to start.
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post #4 of 16 (permalink) Old 10-06-2006, 05:14 AM
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The league should require him to go to anger mgmt. classes and have his f-in head checked.
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post #5 of 16 (permalink) Old 10-06-2006, 05:46 AM
dead
 
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damn you The Onion!
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post #6 of 16 (permalink) Old 10-06-2006, 08:26 AM
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LOL @ all the responses.

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post #7 of 16 (permalink) Old 10-06-2006, 09:31 AM
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LOL. I didn't catch the source. Anywho, that m-f'er still needs to have his head checked.
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post #8 of 16 (permalink) Old 10-06-2006, 09:42 AM
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Holy shit! If he really said that Gurode needs to take him to the cleaners!!! I know he said he wasn't going to press charges but how can you not with a statement like that?!?!? He should be banned from the league and gang raped by the Raiders (what else are they good for?).
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post #9 of 16 (permalink) Old 10-06-2006, 09:43 AM
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funny stuff.

Cowboys to the Super Bowl!!!!!
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post #10 of 16 (permalink) Old 10-06-2006, 09:46 AM
not exclude
 
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Lol, Camino do you do this to share the funny articles? Or do you do this to laugh at all the people who buy it? Good one either way
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post #11 of 16 (permalink) Old 10-06-2006, 10:12 AM
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Just realized it was from the onion... nevermind.
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post #12 of 16 (permalink) Old 10-06-2006, 10:44 AM
duh...duh....duh
 
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Chances are, a lot of athletes have that mentality. Simply for motivation and drive. But you sure as shit don't say it out loud at a press conference.

My '03 Sold.
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post #13 of 16 (permalink) Old 10-06-2006, 10:46 AM
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Lmao!
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post #14 of 16 (permalink) Old 10-06-2006, 10:47 AM
duh...duh....duh
 
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damn it

My '03 Sold.
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post #15 of 16 (permalink) Old 10-06-2006, 12:04 PM
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damn it
haha!
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post #16 of 16 (permalink) Old 10-06-2006, 07:40 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
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Lol, Camino do you do this to share the funny articles? Or do you do this to laugh at all the people who buy it? Good one either way
YES!


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