The level of Dirt Burgular suckdom is impressive
ladies and gentlemen, for those of you who have studied physics at some time in your lives, perhaps you recall the five fundamental forces. if not, this should serve as an important review of the subject
"why is this important to me?" you might ask. "i dont have any need for physics. im a (insert name of a job or lack thereof that does not require physics knowledge here)"
well, this upcoming weekend, this particular knowledge should be of paramount concern in all our lives. we are playing the university of oklahoma in football in the red river shootout, and we will need all the forces we can muster in order to overcome the forces of ou.
but back to the topic at hand, allow me to review the five fundamental forces. and yes, there are five of them
1. strong force
description: the force that holds the nucleus of atoms together
relative strength: 1
range: 10^-15 m
2. electromagnetic force
description: attraction/repulsion of charges
relative strength: 1/137
3. weak force
description: neutrino interaction... induces beta decay in atoms
relative strength: 10^-5
range: 10^-17 m
description: the attraction between two bodies
relative strength: 6x10^-39
5. ou sucks
description: ou sucks
relative strength: infinite
there is no escape from the ou sucks force. you can feel it in the fucking andromeda galaxy, on planet x and shit even long, long ago, in a galaxy far, far away, luke skywalker and his buddies could feel it. why do you think everyone on the dark side has an ou-colored light saber? we are going to feel it in dallas on saturday
on earth, there are several ways that this force manifests itself: this force has been known to suck the penis of a sooner right into his sister. it has been known to shape the hair of a sooner into a mullet. it has been known to suck the teeth right out of a sooner's mouth, and turn the rest of them yellow. it has sucked numerous people into classes at the university of oklahoma, despite the fact that they had already completed 7th grade. it has also been known to spawn numerous tornadoes and ncaa sanctions. ou sucks trancends football. ou could win every football game by 1000 for the next 1000 years, and ou would still suck. only when ou ceases to exist will the ou sucks force no longer be a factor
the ou sucks force cannot be escaped. but it can be overcome, when it manifests itself in football. we have just been really shitty at doing this in the last four years
but now it is more important than ever. nobody in this country cares about oklahoma. when you think of oklahoma, what comes to mind?
3. roadside fruit stands
4. trailer parks
5. turquoise jewelry
6. bulk cigarette shops
7. charles thompson on the cover of si (that was his name right? i get all these stupid sooners mixed up)
8. brian bosworth
9. 3.2 beer
11. jason white's hair line
12. ou sucks
which of those things would be classified as "good"? turquoise jewelry and roadside fruit stands are neutral at best. everything else is shit.
how embarassing is it to get worked by a team that represents a state known for the things listed above for the last 4 years?
we have the pissed off factor on our side. and we are not from oklahoma
this year is going to be different. it has to be. we have cedric benson, vince young, derrick johnson, rod wright, and a great o-line. they have a bunch of toothless dipshits who fucked their sisters and chew on a piece of hay while wearing overalls with nothing underneath
we are going to kick the fuck out of those GD Yankees from up North.
Sober By Grace Ministries: A Ministry of The James 2:26 Project
"The Father-heart of God was... thrilled with me -- an immature, mess-making spiritual infant... My heavenly Father was enjoying me while I was yet in the process of maturing, not sighing in disgust and waiting impatiently until I grew up. He loved and longed for me; He felt proud and was excited over me while I was falling short."
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