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post #1 of 13 (permalink) Old 10-01-2010, 12:42 PM Thread Starter
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ideologies using 2 cows

An easy guide to political ideologies using 2 cows

FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you
to take care of them, and sells you the milk.

PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take
care of them, and you all share the milk.

APPLIED COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them,
but the government takes all the milk.

DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and
shoots you.

NIGERIAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government takes both,
shoots you and sends the cows to Zurich.

MILITARISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts
you.

PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets
the milk.

SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government fines
you for keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick
someone to tell you who gets the milk.

AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you two cows if
you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for
speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate". The cows
sue you for breach of contract.

BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You feed them sheeps' brains
and they go mad. The government does not do anything.

EUROPEAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. At first, the government
regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays
you not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other
and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms
accounting for the missing cows.

CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

HONG KONG CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your
publicly-listed company, using letters of credit opened by your
brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with associated
general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for
keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a
Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the
majority shareholder, who sells the right to all seven cows' milk back to
the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows,
with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because of bad
feng shui.

LESBIANISM: You have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf.

TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and
denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.

POLITICAL CORRECTNESS: You are associated with (the concept of 'ownership'
is a symbol of the phallocentric, warmongering, intolerant past) two
differently aged but no less valuable to society) bovines of Non-specified
gender.

COUNTERCULTURE: Wow, dude, there's like...these two cows, man. You have got*
to have some of this milk.

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take
harmonica lessons.

INDONESIAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. One flees to West Timor, the other
votes to leave. The UN arrive, buy your milk, put flak-jackets on your cows
and leave. The TNI then shoots your cows.
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post #2 of 13 (permalink) Old 10-01-2010, 12:53 PM
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Lmfao!!
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post #3 of 13 (permalink) Old 10-01-2010, 01:10 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by line-em-up View Post
FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes 90% of the milk.
More accurate

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post #4 of 13 (permalink) Old 10-01-2010, 01:44 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Muffrazr View Post
My how wonderfully simple Capitlism is.
That's no shit.

1/19/09, the last day of Free America.
Pericles "Freedom is the sure possession of those alone who have the courage to defend it. "

"[T]he people alone have an incontestable, unalienable, and indefeasible right to institute government and to reform, alter, or totally change the same when their protection, safety, prosperity, and happiness require it." --Samuel Adams


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post #5 of 13 (permalink) Old 10-01-2010, 02:49 PM Thread Starter
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..

Here is a slightly dofferent version.

World Ideologies As Explained By Reference to Cows

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

FEUDALISM
You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
PURE SOCIALISM
You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you a glass of milk.
Or... You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM
Your cows are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs the regulations say you should need.
FASCISM
You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
PURE COMMUNISM
You share two cows with your neighbors. You and your neighbors bicker about who has the most "ability" and who has the most "need". Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop dead of starvation.
Or... You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.

RUSSIAN COMMUNISM
You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the black market.
PERESTROIKA
You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the Mafia takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the "free" market.
CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM
You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
DICTATORSHIP
You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
PURE DEMOCRACY
You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
LIBERAL DEMOCRACY
You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point that you must sell them both in order to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow which was a gift from your government.
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY
You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
BUREAUCRACY
You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
CAPITALISM
You don't have any cows. The bank will not lend you money to buy cows, because you don't have any cows to put up as collateral.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
PURE ANARCHY
You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.
ANARCHO-CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
SURREALISM
You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
OLYMPICS-ISM
You have two cows, one American, one Chinese. With the help of trilling violins and state of the art montage photography, John Tesh narrates the moving tale of how the American cow overcame the agony of growing up in a suburb with (gasp) divorced parents, then mentions in passing that the Chinese cow was beaten every day by a tyrannical farmer and watched its parents butchered before its eyes. The American cow wins the competition, severely spraining an udder in a gritty performance, and gets a multi-million dollar contract to endorse Wheaties. The Chinese cow is led out of the arena and shot by Chinese government officials, though no one ever hears about it. McDonald's buys the meat and serves it hot and fast at its Beijing restaurant.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

DEMOCRAT, AMERICAN
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
You vote people into office that put a tax on your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax.
The people you voted for then take the tax money, buy a cow and give it to your neighbor.
You feel righteous.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.
REPUBLICAN
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?
FLORIDA
You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who like the brown one best vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best-looking one.
NEW YORK
You have fifteen million cows. You have to choose which one will be the leader of the herd, so you pick some fat cow from Arkansas.
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post #6 of 13 (permalink) Old 10-01-2010, 11:17 PM
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POLITICAL CORRECTNESS: You are associated with (the concept of 'ownership'
is a symbol of the phallocentric, warmongering, intolerant past) two
differently aged but no less valuable to society) bovines of Non-specified
gender.


This one is for bullet.


I think the capitalism one would have gone more like this though:

You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. You breed the bull and the cow. You raise the calf and continue using and selling the cows milk until you have enough money to buy another cow. You sell the calf and take the money you made and buy another cow. You keep breeding and buying and selling your cows until one day you look around and see that all your hard work has made you quite wealthy.

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i think thedark1337 is a pretty cool guy. eh plays the game and doesnt afraid of anything


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- later on when i was about 16 i suddenly came to the realization that i had zero appeal to women and i said "i'm going to say i'm gay from now on"
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post #7 of 13 (permalink) Old 10-03-2010, 08:11 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by justinsn95 View Post
POLITICAL CORRECTNESS: You are associated with (the concept of 'ownership'
is a symbol of the phallocentric, warmongering, intolerant past) two
differently aged but no less valuable to society) bovines of Non-specified
gender.


This one is for bullet.


I think the capitalism one would have gone more like this though:

You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. You breed the bull and the cow. You raise the calf and continue using and selling the cows milk until you have enough money to buy another cow. You sell the calf and take the money you made and buy another cow. You keep breeding and buying and selling your cows until one day you look around and see that all your hard work has made you quite wealthy.


But in America today, you add 50 years to this process before becoming wealthy because of federal over site and taxes.



All men should know Honor first, above all else!

Honor is not holding your hand out for something you did not earn.
Honor is not forcing your ideas, or belief on others.
Honor is not something given to you by way of job, or title.

Honor is learned, earned, practiced and respected by all decent men and women.
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post #8 of 13 (permalink) Old 10-03-2010, 10:36 PM
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Republican

you have 2 cows. You can't afford hay so you max out your charge card that is issued at a japanese bank to buy some and let your children worry about your debt after you are gone.

Republicans drove the car off the cliff and democrats had to do all of the work getting it back out of the ditch

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Originally Posted by slow99 View Post
When you pull in 20 million percent a year like BULLET, you have your share of 5 and 6 figure days!

GENUFLECT TO THE BULLET




FACTS ARE LIKE ACID TO THE SKIN OF REPUBLICONS
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post #9 of 13 (permalink) Old 10-03-2010, 10:47 PM
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Replace that with "democrat" and I'll agree with ya
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post #10 of 13 (permalink) Old 10-04-2010, 03:15 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bullet View Post
Republican

you have 2 cows. You can't afford hay so you max out your charge card that is issued at a japanese bank to buy some and let your children worry about your debt after you are gone.
ban.

You WILL have: Long Blonde Hair, Big Green Eyes, World Class Breasts, A Butt That Won't Quit, and Legs..that go ALL THE WAY UP!!!
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post #11 of 13 (permalink) Old 10-04-2010, 06:35 AM
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Lol!
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post #12 of 13 (permalink) Old 10-04-2010, 01:49 PM
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Bullet. Let me break Down the view of many on this board. You can decide for yourself whether we are "sheep", as I have already decided not to give a damn what you decide.

Our view of democrats -- justify more gov spending by raising taxes.
Our view of repubs -- Justify more govt spending while not raising taxes.

Both are destructive to our economy.

That's why alot of us like the Tea Party -- cut govt spending while cutting taxes.


I don't understand why this is so hard for you to get....
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