Divorce Agreement - DFWstangs Forums
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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 06-02-2010, 11:42 AM Thread Starter
Rockin' da fumanchu
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Divorce Agreement



American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, marxists and Obama supporters, et al:

We have stuck together as Americans since the late 1950's, but this last election process and the resulting new laws out of the democratic controlled Congress has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we
tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this administration no longer cares about our children and the debt they’ll inherit.

Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let's just end our relationship on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to ‘irreconcilable differences’ and each go our own ways.

Here is a model separation agreement:

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass, each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges, The Rainbow Coalition, The Gay and Lesbian Task Force and the ACLU. Since you hate guns, most laws and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military.

You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, Rosie O'Donnell, Rachel Maddow, Keith Olbermann, Bill Maher, Janeane Garofalo, Wolf Blitzer, (You are, however, responsible for finding a solar/bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move them all).

We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, the oil companies, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved illegal aliens, ACORN and all the hard working union employees at the Post Office, the teachers union and GM. We'll keep the non-union FedEx, hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. You can also have MSNBC, NPR radio and all of Hollywood .

You can make nice with Iran , Palestine and the rest of the ‘peace loving’ Middle East . You can also have the peaceniks and Cindy Sheehan. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values, the Bible and God on our money and public buildings . You are welcome to the Qur’an, Islam, Scientology, Humanism and putting Bill Clinton or Barney Franks’ face on your newly minted ‘In Socialism We Trust’ Peso bills. Oh and you can also have the U.N. and the IMF.

You can give everyone free healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors and the tax receipts from all your newly legal Mexican workers, unemployed high school dropouts and jobless college graduates with their liberal degrees in ‘Woman’s studies, Latino studies, Social Activism and Flower Arrangement. We'll continue to believe healthcare and home ownership are luxuries earned and not a ‘basic human right’. We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute We Are the World, Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing or Kum Ba Ya.

We'll practice trickledown economics pay for work and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, school prayer, and our flag.

Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you can answer which one of us will need whose help in oh, say 5 years or so.

John J. Wall
Law Student and an American

P.S. Also, please take Sean Penn, Martin Sheehan, Barbara Streisand, Madonna
& Jane Fonda with you.

P. S. S. And we won't have to press 1 for English.

Listen to my buddy, Jeff Bolton, from 6-9 AM Mon-Fri.

Obamanomics = Trickle Up Poverty

Think you need to format/reinstall your OS(XP), read this first.
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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 06-02-2010, 12:16 PM
v2004 rebooted.
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Thanks for posting your dumb forwarded email.
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post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 06-02-2010, 12:27 PM
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its real easy, everything taxes pay for go to the left, everything private money pays for can go to the right, and thats how you divide capitalism.

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post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 06-02-2010, 12:41 PM
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im about ready to just be keeping my own.

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post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 06-02-2010, 02:29 PM
Canada is welcome here.
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He only left out the fine print. When they come begging for help, we bomb them as a response. Even when they are dying of starvation because puppy dog kisses and fairy dust doesn't put food on the table, we merely laugh and point.

Originally Posted by aksthem1 View Post
i think thedark1337 is a pretty cool guy. eh plays the game and doesnt afraid of anything

Originally Posted by Chillaxed View Post
- later on when i was about 16 i suddenly came to the realization that i had zero appeal to women and i said "i'm going to say i'm gay from now on"
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post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 06-02-2010, 03:15 PM
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I see this is making the rounds again.

Don't get me wrong, I like it.

It is written by a student of law, not necessarily a young one, but still a student.

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post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 06-04-2010, 09:34 AM
Never settle always excel
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Also anyone who moves to the right side needs to understand that if they become un-employeed they must move to the left if they are jobless for more than two weeks. I think it would be best to not pay out unemployment which is essentially another form of welfare!
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