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post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 01-09-2010, 07:54 PM Thread Starter
Lifer
 
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News flash from the UK

NEWS-FLASH-From the UK
>
> December 31, 2009, 5:22 PM
> Press Release: Union Negotiations
>
> Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike
> on Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are
> entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda management
> have so far failed to produce an agreement.
>
> The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number
> of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death
> will be reduced in January from 72 to only 60. The rationale for the
> cut was the increase in recent years of the number of
> suicide bombings and a subsequent shortage of virgins in the
> afterlife.
>
> The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational
> Martyrs (B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement
> that this was unacceptable to its members and immediately balloted for
> strike action. General secretary Abdullah Amir told
> the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in
> the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be
> treated like this by management is a kick in the teeth."
>
> Mr. Amir accepted the limited availability of virgins but pointed out
> that the cutbacks were expected to be borne entirely by the
> workforce and not by management. "Last Christmas Abu Hamza alone was
> awarded an annual bonus of 250,000 virgins," complains Amir.
> "And you can be sure they'll all be pretty ones too. How can Al Qaeda
> afford that for members of the management but not 72 for
> the people who do the real work?"
>
> Speaking from the shed in the West Midlands where he currently
> resides, Al Qaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained, "We
> sympathize with our workers' concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a
> position to meet their demands. They are not
> accepting the realities of modern-day jihad in a competitive
> marketplace.
>
> Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of
> virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing
> expenditure and laying people off. I don't like cutting wages but I'd
> hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won't be
> able to blow themselves up." He defended management bonuses by
> claiming these were necessary to attract good fanatical clerics.
> "How am I supposed to attract the best people if I can't compete with
> the private sector?" asked Mr. Bin-Laden.
>
> Talks broke down this morning after management's last-ditch proposal
> of a virgin-sharing scheme was rejected outright.
>
> Unless some sort of agreement is reached over the weekend, suicide
> bombers will down explosives at midday on Monday. Most
> branches are supporting the strike. Only the North London branch,
> which has a different union, is likely to continue working.
> However, some members of that branch will only be using waist-down
> explosives in order to express solidarity with their
> striking brethren.
>
> Spokespersons in the North East of England, Swindon, North Kent and
> the entire Australian continent stated that this would not
> affect their operations as "There are no virgins in their areas
> anyway".
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post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 01-09-2010, 07:58 PM
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Ahahahahahhah!





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post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 01-09-2010, 09:30 PM
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Allah frowns upon this thread.
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post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 01-10-2010, 08:55 AM
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Those bastards are dumb enough to believe this given the right delivery...
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post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 01-10-2010, 10:39 AM
Lifer
 
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The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number
> of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death
> will be reduced in January from 72 to only 60. The rationale for the
> cut was the increase in recent years of the number of
> suicide bombings and a subsequent shortage of virgins in the
> afterlife.


And yet again, not once did it say "virgin women"



All men should know Honor first, above all else!

Honor is not holding your hand out for something you did not earn.
Honor is not forcing your ideas, or belief on others.
Honor is not something given to you by way of job, or title.

Honor is learned, earned, practiced and respected by all decent men and women.
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