It really just sounds like you're not wanting or can't accept reality. It's obvious you're new to the conspiracy world and you have a facination with it. Just remember to not let it get in the way of you living your life in the real world. It'll eventually affect relationships (sposal and/or friends), your career, your credibility, etc.
Don't get me wrong, there is fucked up shit that has been covered up and conspiracies behind it. The thing is, what is worth fighting for to find the truth? What is MILDLY believeable? Address things that make sense, issues that make a difference TO YOU, information from a trusted source and/or reputable source.
Just because there is some conspiracy, doesn't mean it's even a remote possibility. In fact, there is almost always a conspiracy behind every major event or incident. Having an open mind is a healthy way to look at everything. Part of having an open mind is being able to exercise good discretion from the fantacy world as well.