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post #1 of 15 (permalink) Old 08-06-2008, 06:06 PM Thread Starter
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Conservatives

History Simplified with Actual Material

For those that don't know about history ... Here is a condensed version:

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1. Liberals, and
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.


Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history:

It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.

A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to tick them off.
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post #2 of 15 (permalink) Old 08-06-2008, 06:16 PM
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I figured this post was coming here eventually.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sean88gt View Post
I'd fuck her and confess my love while using my wife as the mattress.
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post #3 of 15 (permalink) Old 08-06-2008, 06:20 PM
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Wrong forum again.

This belongs in the repost hell forum.

Last edited by TexasDevilDog; 08-06-2008 at 06:58 PM.
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post #4 of 15 (permalink) Old 08-06-2008, 06:22 PM
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that is good

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"Still angry? A post like that makes me think you tasted someones dick at some point in your life."
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post #5 of 15 (permalink) Old 08-06-2008, 06:54 PM
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post #6 of 15 (permalink) Old 08-06-2008, 07:48 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TexasDevilDog
Oh crap, and I was the one that posted it last year. https://dfwstangs.net/forums/showthread.php?t=319555

After Jester posted it. https://dfwstangs.net/forums/showthread.php?t=316614

Which begat from Cooter https://dfwstangs.net/forums/showthread.php?t=260158 in 2005

Which begat from 46Tbird https://dfwstangs.net/forums/showthread.php?t=188510 in 2004


I have seen it once but had no idea it been posted that many times lol

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sean88gt View Post
I'd fuck her and confess my love while using my wife as the mattress.
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post #7 of 15 (permalink) Old 08-06-2008, 08:39 PM
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Dibs on posting it next year!
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post #8 of 15 (permalink) Old 08-06-2008, 11:18 PM
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lol

it never gets old
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post #9 of 15 (permalink) Old 08-07-2008, 09:58 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TexasDevilDog
Oh crap, and I was the one that posted it last year. https://dfwstangs.net/forums/showthread.php?t=319555

After Jester posted it. https://dfwstangs.net/forums/showthread.php?t=316614

Which begat from Cooter https://dfwstangs.net/forums/showthread.php?t=260158 in 2005

Which begat from 46Tbird https://dfwstangs.net/forums/showthread.php?t=188510 in 2004
I guess I'm a cool mother fucker like you guys!
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post #10 of 15 (permalink) Old 08-08-2008, 07:23 AM
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Thumbs up

Quote:
Originally Posted by KevinH78
I guess I'm a cool mother fucker like you guys!
Excellent retort my good man. (first time I've actually seen the post)

Can I post it in 2010?


David
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post #11 of 15 (permalink) Old 08-08-2008, 07:50 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KevinH78
I guess I'm a cool mother fucker like you guys!
Lets not get ahead of are selfs.
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post #12 of 15 (permalink) Old 08-08-2008, 08:13 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by silverhatch
Lets not get ahead of are selfs.
Did you skip grade school?

Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand!
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post #13 of 15 (permalink) Old 08-08-2008, 08:51 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by black01gt
Did you skip grade school?
School is for liberals. Blech!
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post #14 of 15 (permalink) Old 08-08-2008, 11:34 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by silverhatch
Lets not get ahead of are selfs.
You are kidding, right?

"A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have."
-Gerald Ford/Thomas Jefferson

"A Republic, if you can keep it"
- Benjamin Franklin

The way to peaceably remove elected officials who deviate from the constitution of the United States of America...
www.blowoutcongress.com
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post #15 of 15 (permalink) Old 08-08-2008, 02:35 PM
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Repost x2433343

Quote:
Originally Posted by MR EDD View Post
it was not a problem to bring money to his house at 10pm.so why is it a problem to call and bitch.it wasnt a problem when we were all sitting around smoking pot together.yes i said it we all were smoking pot together.what now stupid.
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