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post #1 of 46 (permalink) Old 05-21-2009, 01:04 PM Thread Starter
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Masturbation

People at school were talking about religion at school, and someone, forsome weird ass reason, brought up masturbation. Does it say anyhting aobut this in the bible?

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post #2 of 46 (permalink) Old 05-21-2009, 01:11 PM
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Not that I am aware of.
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post #3 of 46 (permalink) Old 05-21-2009, 01:52 PM
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lol what a question.

I will knock the dust off that.....

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post #4 of 46 (permalink) Old 05-21-2009, 01:58 PM
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it mentions lusting, which i know when i am roughing up the suspect thats what i am doing.


oh,
i think it says something about cutting your hand off before it lets you sin in the old testament. thank God for that new testament

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post #5 of 46 (permalink) Old 05-21-2009, 02:06 PM
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There are two kinds of people in this world son, those that jerk off and those that lie about it.
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post #6 of 46 (permalink) Old 05-21-2009, 02:14 PM Thread Starter
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There are two kinds of people in this world son, those that jerk off and those that lie about it.
lol.... that would be a good sig quote.

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post #7 of 46 (permalink) Old 05-21-2009, 02:39 PM
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Someone died from it in the OT.

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post #8 of 46 (permalink) Old 05-21-2009, 02:44 PM
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I've heard the Bible says something about it being better to jerk off than to commit fornicate.
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post #9 of 46 (permalink) Old 05-21-2009, 02:48 PM
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Someone died from it in the OT.
No, someone in the OT someone died after spilling their seed on the ground rather than following God's commands.
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post #10 of 46 (permalink) Old 05-21-2009, 02:55 PM
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I've heard the Bible says something about it being better to jerk off than to commit fornicate.
I am pretty sure it is the same thing by christin standards

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post #11 of 46 (permalink) Old 05-21-2009, 03:00 PM
Rhabdomyolysis anyone?
 
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No, someone in the OT someone died after spilling their seed on the ground rather than following God's commands.
Well, same same, he finished the job that way.

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post #12 of 46 (permalink) Old 05-21-2009, 05:09 PM
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This is the only reference I know of...

<< Leviticus 15 >>
New American Standard Bible ©


Cleansing Unhealthiness

1 The LORD also spoke to Moses and to Aaron, saying, 2 “Speak to the sons of Israel, and say to them, ‘When any man has a discharge from his body, his discharge is unclean. 3 ‘This, moreover, shall be his uncleanness in his discharge: it is his uncleanness whether his body allows its discharge to flow or whether his body obstructs its discharge. 4 ‘Every bed on which the person with the discharge lies becomes unclean, and everything on which he sits becomes unclean. 5 ‘Anyone, moreover, who touches his bed shall wash his clothes and bathe in water and be unclean until evening; 6 and whoever sits on the thing on which the man with the discharge has been sitting, shall wash his clothes and bathe in water and be unclean until evening. 7 ‘Also whoever touches the person with the discharge shall wash his clothes and bathe in water and be unclean until evening. 8 ‘Or if the man with the discharge spits on one who is clean, he too shall wash his clothes and bathe in water and be unclean until evening. 9 ‘Every saddle on which the person with the discharge rides becomes unclean. 10 ‘Whoever then touches any of the things which were under him shall be unclean until evening, and he who carries them shall wash his clothes and bathe in water and be unclean until evening. 11 ‘Likewise, whomever the one with the discharge touches without having rinsed his hands in water shall wash his clothes and bathe in water and be unclean until evening. 12 ‘However, an earthenware vessel which the person with the discharge touches shall be broken, and every wooden vessel shall be rinsed in water.
13 ‘Now when the man with the discharge becomes cleansed from his discharge, then he shall count off for himself seven days for his cleansing; he shall then wash his clothes and bathe his body in running water and will become clean. 14 ‘Then on the eighth day he shall take for himself two turtledoves or two young pigeons, and come before the LORD to the doorway of the tent of meeting and give them to the priest; 15 and the priest shall offer them, one for a sin offering and the other for a burnt offering. So the priest shall make atonement on his behalf before the LORD because of his discharge.
16 ‘Now if a man has a seminal emission, he shall bathe all his body in water and be unclean until evening. 17 ‘As for any garment or any leather on which there is seminal emission, it shall be washed with water and be unclean until evening. 18 ‘If a man lies with a woman so that there is a seminal emission, they shall both bathe in water and be unclean until evening.

Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel, "Pick up your shovel, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land." Nearly 75 years ago, Roosevelt said,"Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a camel, this is the Promised Land." Now Obama has stolen your shovel..., taxed your asses, raised the price of camels and mortgaged the Promised Land!
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post #13 of 46 (permalink) Old 05-22-2009, 06:13 PM
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I've heard the Bible says something about it being better to jerk off than to commit fornicate.
The bible only deals in absolutes. There's no sin that's better than the other. With that being said, I need to pick up some lotion on the way home.
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post #14 of 46 (permalink) Old 05-30-2009, 10:11 PM
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According to Peter Griffins father, masterbating is a sin.

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post #15 of 46 (permalink) Old 05-31-2009, 12:08 AM
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This is the only reference I know of...

<< Leviticus 15 >>
New American Standard Bible ©


Cleansing Unhealthiness

1 The LORD also spoke to Moses and to Aaron, saying, 2 “Speak to the sons of Israel, and say to them, ‘When any man has a discharge from his body, his discharge is unclean. 3 ‘This, moreover, shall be his uncleanness in his discharge: it is his uncleanness whether his body allows its discharge to flow or whether his body obstructs its discharge. 4 ‘Every bed on which the person with the discharge lies becomes unclean, and everything on which he sits becomes unclean. 5 ‘Anyone, moreover, who touches his bed shall wash his clothes and bathe in water and be unclean until evening; 6 and whoever sits on the thing on which the man with the discharge has been sitting, shall wash his clothes and bathe in water and be unclean until evening. 7 ‘Also whoever touches the person with the discharge shall wash his clothes and bathe in water and be unclean until evening. 8 ‘Or if the man with the discharge spits on one who is clean, he too shall wash his clothes and bathe in water and be unclean until evening. 9 ‘Every saddle on which the person with the discharge rides becomes unclean. 10 ‘Whoever then touches any of the things which were under him shall be unclean until evening, and he who carries them shall wash his clothes and bathe in water and be unclean until evening. 11 ‘Likewise, whomever the one with the discharge touches without having rinsed his hands in water shall wash his clothes and bathe in water and be unclean until evening. 12 ‘However, an earthenware vessel which the person with the discharge touches shall be broken, and every wooden vessel shall be rinsed in water.
13 ‘Now when the man with the discharge becomes cleansed from his discharge, then he shall count off for himself seven days for his cleansing; he shall then wash his clothes and bathe his body in running water and will become clean. 14 ‘Then on the eighth day he shall take for himself two turtledoves or two young pigeons, and come before the LORD to the doorway of the tent of meeting and give them to the priest; 15 and the priest shall offer them, one for a sin offering and the other for a burnt offering. So the priest shall make atonement on his behalf before the LORD because of his discharge.
16 ‘Now if a man has a seminal emission, he shall bathe all his body in water and be unclean until evening. 17 ‘As for any garment or any leather on which there is seminal emission, it shall be washed with water and be unclean until evening. 18 ‘If a man lies with a woman so that there is a seminal emission, they shall both bathe in water and be unclean until evening.
So if you take a leak or a dump in the morning, you're unclean all day?

And as for masturbation, you're clean if you don't finish it?


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post #16 of 46 (permalink) Old 05-31-2009, 09:27 AM
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^^^^^

Are you asking whether you should be following Old Testament Laws?
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post #17 of 46 (permalink) Old 05-31-2009, 09:46 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MotoMan View Post
This is the only reference I know of...

<< Leviticus 15 >>
New American Standard Bible ©


Cleansing Unhealthiness

1 The LORD also spoke to Moses and to Aaron, saying, 2 “Speak to the sons of Israel, and say to them, ‘When any man has a discharge from his body, his discharge is unclean. 3 ‘This, moreover, shall be his uncleanness in his discharge: it is his uncleanness whether his body allows its discharge to flow or whether his body obstructs its discharge. 4 ‘Every bed on which the person with the discharge lies becomes unclean, and everything on which he sits becomes unclean. 5 ‘Anyone, moreover, who touches his bed shall wash his clothes and bathe in water and be unclean until evening; 6 and whoever sits on the thing on which the man with the discharge has been sitting, shall wash his clothes and bathe in water and be unclean until evening. 7 ‘Also whoever touches the person with the discharge shall wash his clothes and bathe in water and be unclean until evening. 8 ‘Or if the man with the discharge spits on one who is clean, he too shall wash his clothes and bathe in water and be unclean until evening. 9 ‘Every saddle on which the person with the discharge rides becomes unclean. 10 ‘Whoever then touches any of the things which were under him shall be unclean until evening, and he who carries them shall wash his clothes and bathe in water and be unclean until evening. 11 ‘Likewise, whomever the one with the discharge touches without having rinsed his hands in water shall wash his clothes and bathe in water and be unclean until evening. 12 ‘However, an earthenware vessel which the person with the discharge touches shall be broken, and every wooden vessel shall be rinsed in water.
13 ‘Now when the man with the discharge becomes cleansed from his discharge, then he shall count off for himself seven days for his cleansing; he shall then wash his clothes and bathe his body in running water and will become clean. 14 ‘Then on the eighth day he shall take for himself two turtledoves or two young pigeons, and come before the LORD to the doorway of the tent of meeting and give them to the priest; 15 and the priest shall offer them, one for a sin offering and the other for a burnt offering. So the priest shall make atonement on his behalf before the LORD because of his discharge.
16 ‘Now if a man has a seminal emission, he shall bathe all his body in water and be unclean until evening. 17 ‘As for any garment or any leather on which there is seminal emission, it shall be washed with water and be unclean until evening. 18 ‘If a man lies with a woman so that there is a seminal emission, they shall both bathe in water and be unclean until evening.
The first part of that was totally about you being physically dirty from any kind of emission of bodily fluids. The second part has to do with the same thing but concerns intentional emission of semen. It sounds like they prolly limited the things you were aloud to do while you were considered "dirty".
Also the last section of that was written in a different format and was prolly added at a much later date. Those were guidelines for living in those days. If you abide by those values you were considered a good person.

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post #18 of 46 (permalink) Old 05-31-2009, 10:17 AM
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According to the SNL character Father Guido Sarducchi, the sin of maturbation is minor, and would be assessed a fine of about .25 cents when you get your "bill" to get into heaven. He just hoped that he did not come up .25 cents short when it was his time to "pay the bill."

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post #19 of 46 (permalink) Old 05-31-2009, 10:03 PM
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The first part of that was totally about you being physically dirty from any kind of emission of bodily fluids. The second part has to do with the same thing but concerns intentional emission of semen. It sounds like they prolly limited the things you were aloud to do while you were considered "dirty".
Also the last section of that was written in a different format and was prolly added at a much later date. Those were guidelines for living in those days. If you abide by those values you were considered a good person.
Then you feel free to answer the OP's question with a better example.

Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel, "Pick up your shovel, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land." Nearly 75 years ago, Roosevelt said,"Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a camel, this is the Promised Land." Now Obama has stolen your shovel..., taxed your asses, raised the price of camels and mortgaged the Promised Land!
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post #20 of 46 (permalink) Old 05-31-2009, 10:14 PM
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I've heard the Bible says something about it being better to jerk off than to commit fornicate.
the bible also states that a sin is in fact a sin weather it be murder or lying. so no sin is truly worse than the next in the eyes of god, only to the eyes of humans who wrote the bible anyways.

btw i grew up in church with my step-dad and his dad were the owners/ pastors. when i hit like 13 i felt like i was going to hell after every time is spanked the monkey. then finally i said screw it and stopped givning a crap about it.

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Last edited by jnobles06; 05-31-2009 at 10:30 PM.
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post #21 of 46 (permalink) Old 05-31-2009, 11:09 PM
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^^^^^

Are you asking whether you should be following Old Testament Laws?
Is there anything in the New Testament that says it no longer applies?


Quote:
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Women: vaginal life support.
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post #22 of 46 (permalink) Old 05-31-2009, 11:16 PM
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<============= Doesn't lie about it.

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There are two kinds of people in this world son, those that jerk off and those that lie about it.
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Weird, cuz I'd rather be out on the streets sucking dick for crack than working!
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post #23 of 46 (permalink) Old 06-01-2009, 06:19 AM
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Is there anything in the New Testament that says it no longer applies?
Are you Jewish?
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post #24 of 46 (permalink) Old 06-01-2009, 08:59 AM
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Are you Jewish?
Only from the waist down, and not including the wallet.


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post #25 of 46 (permalink) Old 06-03-2009, 03:38 PM
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Are you Jewish?
Last time I looked at a christian bible, the old testament was still in there.
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post #26 of 46 (permalink) Old 06-03-2009, 08:13 PM
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And when you last looked at a Christian Bible, were any Christians written about in the Old Testament you say is still in there? Or, did you just look at it and not read it?
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post #27 of 46 (permalink) Old 06-04-2009, 02:54 PM
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And when you last looked at a Christian Bible, were any Christians written about in the Old Testament you say is still in there? Or, did you just look at it and not read it?
I thought he was asking whether or not old testament laws still apply to christians?
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post #28 of 46 (permalink) Old 06-04-2009, 03:13 PM
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Do they?
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post #29 of 46 (permalink) Old 06-04-2009, 04:41 PM
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Do they?
Why shouldn't they?
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post #30 of 46 (permalink) Old 06-04-2009, 04:48 PM
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Were Christians a party in the First Covenant?
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post #31 of 46 (permalink) Old 06-04-2009, 05:00 PM
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the rules that were in the old testament don't apply after Jesus correct?

because he came and changed the rules, right?

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post #32 of 46 (permalink) Old 06-04-2009, 05:02 PM
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He didn't change the rules, He fulfilled them.
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post #33 of 46 (permalink) Old 06-04-2009, 05:16 PM
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i dont know about yall but i still offer burnt sacrifices. gotta get rid of these stray cats around my house some how.

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post #34 of 46 (permalink) Old 06-04-2009, 05:18 PM
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Problem with your burnt sacrifices is they are not pleasing to the Lord.
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post #35 of 46 (permalink) Old 06-04-2009, 07:13 PM
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He didn't change the rules, He fulfilled them.

didnt he change the rules as well? for instance the eye for an eye thing. and the rules about eating shellfish and not working on the sabbath?

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post #36 of 46 (permalink) Old 06-04-2009, 07:21 PM
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As a Christian I view it this way. If God didn't want me jerking off, He'd have given me shorter arms.

1/19/09, the last day of Free America.
Pericles "Freedom is the sure possession of those alone who have the courage to defend it. "

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post #37 of 46 (permalink) Old 06-04-2009, 07:41 PM
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As a Christian I view it this way. If God didn't want me jerking off, He'd have given me shorter arms.


LOL...or claws.
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post #38 of 46 (permalink) Old 06-04-2009, 11:28 PM
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LOL...or claws.
Right! Bears were never meant to jerk off apparently.

1/19/09, the last day of Free America.
Pericles "Freedom is the sure possession of those alone who have the courage to defend it. "

"[T]he people alone have an incontestable, unalienable, and indefeasible right to institute government and to reform, alter, or totally change the same when their protection, safety, prosperity, and happiness require it." --Samuel Adams


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post #39 of 46 (permalink) Old 06-05-2009, 01:45 AM
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right! Bears were never meant to jerk off apparently.
lol!!
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post #40 of 46 (permalink) Old 06-05-2009, 06:32 AM
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As a Christian I view it this way. If God didn't want me jerking off, He'd have given me shorter arms.
Thats just funny.

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....LMAO @.... trying to figure out how to make a Utopian society!
In a perfect world the police would get paid to do nothing. So next time you see a cop eatin a donut, Yell.. Hey! Good Job!

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post #41 of 46 (permalink) Old 06-13-2009, 11:03 PM
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There are two kinds of people in this world son, those that jerk off and those that lie about it.

Al.... Glad to see an ol' head in hear. Been a long time. How is Michelle?
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post #42 of 46 (permalink) Old 06-14-2009, 12:18 AM
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amen
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post #43 of 46 (permalink) Old 06-14-2009, 09:20 PM
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Right! Bears were never meant to jerk off apparently.

why do you think bears are so mean?

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post #44 of 46 (permalink) Old 06-14-2009, 09:45 PM
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why do you think bears are so mean?
All those teeth and no toothbrush?


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post #45 of 46 (permalink) Old 06-15-2009, 08:36 AM
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All those teeth and no toothbrush?
lmao

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post #46 of 46 (permalink) Old 06-16-2009, 11:27 AM Thread Starter
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problem with your burnt sacrifices is they are not pleasing to the lord.
lmao!!

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