Originally Posted by Phillystang
When you say you were 'born-again' how did that manifest itself or how did that come about?
In an effort to improve myself as a person, so that I could be the best mother I could possibly be, I started going to church again. A small, country non-denominational church in Joshua. The members that I met there are incredible people. They seemed to have such clarity and peace, and their faith was unfathomable to me. I wanted that peace and faith and clarity. Because of the confusion of faith from my childhood, I guess I always feared it. We fear what we do not know, right? In a moment of prayer one evening, I was overwhelmed with with the need to face my fear. Hence the bible study began.
I knew something was missing from my life, but I didn't know what. I desperately wanted to fill that gap. After spending more time with the people at church, and seeing how content they were, I came to realize that what I was missing was faith in God.
I started feeling more at peace, but I did not have the clarity that other members had. I still did not understand the Bible and that was very frustrating for me because everyone else go it. I was doing all the right things; prayer, fellowship, leading a Christ like life, etc. It was comforting, and after prayer and discussions with fellow members, I FELT I was saved/born again. They even said they felt that I had been saved. I had a renewed faith in God, but I still did not understand it.
I guess it was a false sense of comfort because in the back of my mind I was thinking 'How could they, or I for that matter, truly know if I was saved or not?' What is it that they see that I cannot? It just was not logical to me. How could THEY know what was going on between me and God? It was confusing but at the same time I guess I wanted the peace, even though the clarity was not there, that I just went with it and tried to quit over analyzing and questioning it. I even changed churches at one point hoping that a different perspective could fill in the gap for me. It didn't.
I continued studying the Bible in hopes of finding a way to bridge that gap. Then I started college and one day I realized that my bridge wasn't in the Bible because it was too intangible for me to grasp how it all related to me. My biology classes filled that gap and gave me a clearer understanding of how the world worked and how everything fit together. It was much more logical and comprehendible in my mind than concepts from the bible or other Christian teachings. With that understanding I found the peace that I was looking for. It was the foundation that I could build my bridge on.
I had clarity and I had peace, but what about faith? I struggled with that because everything that I had been taught(believed in) had been blown out of the water. I came to the conclusion that my faith in God had nothing to do with a book (bible or college text book) or with how other people worshiped Him. It is a personal relationship between me and Him and does not require any outside influence. It is MY faith and I can nurture it in ways that work for me, not by believing or doing what works for other people.
And now I have it all; peace, clarity and faith. But in reference to being saved or 'born-again,' I guess I falsely believed that I was but I dont know for sure because none of it ever made sense to me. The foundation was never there.
Sorry that was so long, I had never actually put all of those thoughts on 'paper' before.