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post #1 of 10 (permalink) Old 07-31-2004, 12:25 AM Thread Starter
 
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Guys i need your help...

This is kinda embarrassing but i really need some good christian suggestions to help me through this. I have had a girlfriend for about 2 years now and I honestly love her. We talk all the time about getting married, kids ect. My problem is the fact that I cant seem to stop lookin and every once and a while being with other girls. I have cheated and i know its bad and afterwords feel bad but i just sometimes cant control it and the wrong head wins the moral fight. I REALLY dont want to lose her and would be devastated. I know that if i cant stop this now that eventually I will A- Get caught or B- be a cheater through my whole life and never be able to stop it. I am pretty sure looking is normal for any 19 year old male but the real problem is the "acting" on that and how to stop it. I really need some help and would appreciate any real helpful awnsers. Thanks guys and God Bless.
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post #2 of 10 (permalink) Old 07-31-2004, 01:09 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by venomviper69
This is kinda embarrassing but i really need some good christian suggestions to help me through this. I have had a girlfriend for about 2 years now and I honestly love her. We talk all the time about getting married, kids ect. My problem is the fact that I cant seem to stop lookin and every once and a while being with other girls. I have cheated and i know its bad and afterwords feel bad but i just sometimes cant control it and the wrong head wins the moral fight. I REALLY dont want to lose her and would be devastated. I know that if i cant stop this now that eventually I will A- Get caught or B- be a cheater through my whole life and never be able to stop it. I am pretty sure looking is normal for any 19 year old male but the real problem is the "acting" on that and how to stop it. I really need some help and would appreciate any real helpful awnsers. Thanks guys and God Bless.
1 Thessalonians 4:3-5,7
It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life.


Sexual sin is by far the most difficult to defeat for guys. (usually) But just like anything you can defeat your urges. You say you love this girl, yet you cannot be faithful to her. In your current situation of not being able to control yourself, it would not be right for you to get married. You need to fix this problem first. You have to train yourself to not stray. You can pray to God for forgiveness, and strength to help you, but you will have to make the major effort to change. Do not put or let yourself be put into situations where you can cheat. Do not pursue other girls and if they pursue you, make your "taken" status know right up front and then walk away. This girl you say you love deserves much better. I assume she does not know of the cheating. Although I'm sure you don't want to hear this, if you really love her, you need to come clean. You cannot build a marriage without trust.

1 Corinthians 6:18-20
Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.


You can change, but you have to make a decision to do so and stick to it. You can do it.
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post #3 of 10 (permalink) Old 07-31-2004, 05:27 AM
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Cheating is rarely about sex. It's usually about fear based insecurity and self loathing. Your using women like a drug to make you feel better about yourself. Find out whats wrong inside, what you need to change about youself to be ok with you. Then yours prayers have a better chance of working. Your cheating is just a symptom of an internal spirtual sickness. You will get caught and then what? More self loathing, and don't think it's just because you 19. I'm twice your age and have to watch out for lust. Better to get a handle on it now. I know most people would tell you if you're doing this now, you better not get married. Thats not true for me, I like knowing that this is the one God has chosen for me to be with, end of story, stop looking around shopping days are over. What I'm saying marriage and commitment sometime is the right thing, if you got any morals at all and sounds like you do. Good luck
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post #4 of 10 (permalink) Old 07-31-2004, 05:46 PM
 
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Before you read this, are you Christian?

Looking at other girls is something that every guy struggles with...I suggest, asking God to help you, pray that you can focus your eyes on Him not other things (or girls)...Start, (if you don't already) walking with Jesus everyday, reading the bible, communicating with Him, and growing with Him, In Him....Because if you really focused on God and getting to know Him better--you wouldn't need to look at another girl, or anything else distracting again...Second, I suggest getting to know some other Christian friends find one (a guy) that understands your problem, and ask him to pray for you and keep you accountable...Have him check-up on you and keep you going in the right direction. I bet he'll have something he needs help with too....
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post #5 of 10 (permalink) Old 07-31-2004, 10:26 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by venomviper69
I know that if i cant stop this now that eventually I will A- Get caught or B- be a cheater through my whole life and never be able to stop it. .

Or C- you get Aids, Herpes, etc... comeback to her after cheating and have sex with here and give it to her.

If you cared anything about this girl you would let her go.
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post #6 of 10 (permalink) Old 07-31-2004, 11:48 PM Thread Starter
 
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SVT93- If i cared anything about what girl, who would i let go? my girlfriend? if thats what your thinking thanks for the advice but no thanks.

Everyone else thank you. i am attempting to remain faithful and will definitly try not to put my self in the position to cheat. I think that is the biggest step. Thanks all.
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post #7 of 10 (permalink) Old 08-01-2004, 07:33 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by venomviper69
SVT93- If i cared anything about what girl, who would i let go? my girlfriend? if thats what your thinking thanks for the advice but no thanks.

Everyone else thank you. i am attempting to remain faithful and will definitly try not to put my self in the position to cheat. I think that is the biggest step. Thanks all.
I would like to know where the heck it is that you go to meet all these girls and get hooked up? Did you ever think that might be part of the problem? I know when I go to the mall by myself I never meet any new girls, but if I were to go down into Dallas to a club for a few drinks I could meet probably a half dozen. Like you said, dont go places that will put yourself in the position to cheat.

Another thing, if you have "friends" who you go out with that egg you on to hook up with these girls, then it is time to say goodby and find some one friends that will be a positive influence on your life not a negative one.

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post #8 of 10 (permalink) Old 08-01-2004, 02:12 PM
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[QUOTE=venomviper69]SVT93- If i cared anything about what girl, who would i let go? my girlfriend? if thats what your thinking thanks for the advice but no thanks.

Why not let her go, any way you look at it all you are going to do is end up hurting her. You need to work on yourself before you can even begin to love her...

And if you can't see how dangerous your behavior is not only to yourself but more importantly to her then you need to wake up.

Girl at my work had her parents both die of Aids, Her dad had been cheating and then coming back and having sex with his wife.....Saddest story I have ever heard.

All I am saying is put her heart and her needs above your own, that is what love is, a little piece of it anyway.
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post #9 of 10 (permalink) Old 08-02-2004, 11:05 AM
 
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Many good comments and responses here...

I would add this:
1. Do you know Christ? This is the vital and most important step! If not, that must come first as it will make it easier to overcome sin - any sin!
2. You need to be involved in a local church and develop a support group of peers you can trust and confide in.
3. Read "Every man's battle" by Steve Arterbern (sp?) as I have not read it but heard many good things about the book.
4. Daily read the bible and allow the Lord to speak to you and couple this with prayer!

I hope this helps...


Lee
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post #10 of 10 (permalink) Old 08-02-2004, 01:06 PM
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I agree you need to come clean, if not and you continue the relationship with her, guilt and sin will get the best of you. To start a trusting marriage you have to have a solid foundation in which no secrets are kept. Its better to let the heart ache go right now than face it after you were married to her. Repent and let it out (AND THEN DONT DO IT AGAIN) , pray, and God will let it turn out the best which ever way it may be.
Keep us posted Bro
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