Update/Prayer/Relate? - DFWstangs Forums
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post #1 of 4 (permalink) Old 03-15-2004, 02:31 PM Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2003
Posts: 421

Well guys...I wanted to give you an update on where I am...

Ever since Sunday the 7th of this month, I was convicted by some of the things I said in my sermon. So, monday I picked up "Why Revival Tarries" Ravenhill and finished it Tuesday, then picked up "Pursuit of God" Tozer and finished it wednesday, and then picked up "Weapon of prayer" Bounds and finished it Saturday night. I spoke at length with my spiritual mentor about my dilema and had prauer with him. I meditated for hours that week, and tried to pray. My dilema was this - I am a sorry excuse for a pastor. The things I thought I was doing right, I saw were wrong. I saw how wretched of a man I was - to the core - that there is nothing good in me. I was convicted on a grand scale for a multitude of sins in my life, things I had not even thought of or realized. I would try to pray, and had the hardest time doing so, the short time in prayer I would spend would be repenting, groaning, and sitting quiet hoping to hear from God. I could not prepare a sermon, I felt like little progress was being made, towards the end of the week a burden (a felt weight) in my chest was growing. I did not know what to do (for once)...I called my spiritual mentor at 10:00pm Saturday night, and his advice was to pray and tell God that I give up control...I did that and then went to bed. Sunday morning I got up a bit earlier than normal and prayed a bit, not feeling much outside of that burden within...I meditated some still not having a clue of what I was to preach or what might happen. Fear attempted to rise up within and I began to pray asking the Lord to replace it with perfect love and it went away. I went to church and could not make myself talk to anyone hardly. I might have said 20 words in the hour leading up to preaching time.

I sat on the front row and began praying, still unsure abot much of anything. I felt an urge to share with the church what was going on, I felt led to read psalm 51:17, and preach fromt the text Revelation 3:14-22. A friend came and sat beside me and began to pray for me and I felt a bit strengthened. I continued praying throughout the entire song service, relying on God as much as I could. When the song service was over, I began to pray. I prayed something along the lines of (I had never done anything like this) Father, forgive me and this church for failing you. As the church goes, so goes the world and we have let you down and we have let the world down. May we repent to day and hear from God...I began weeping (unusual for me - very unusual) and could not pray anymore...it doesn't sound good to weep into your microphone, but I was able to ignore that. I said AMEN and stood to walk to the pulpit. I shared with the church in all honesty the events of the week and my burden and my realization the I was a prayerless, powerless, sinful preacher...People with their heads hung were weeping throughout the entire service...I read the text of Rev 3:14-22 and commented verse by verse very quietly as I was crying throughout most of the message as well...the power of God moved and I knew it, I finally did not have to guess or ask around....I knew the Lord showed up. After the message, it was similar to after seeing the passion movie, no one really moved, that sat praying, weeping, heads bowed, and quiet. Then a few began to move and came forward to pray at the altar...

We had a dinner (once a month) after the service and it seemed like the best fellowship ever. One lady didn't stay though because she said she didn't feel like eating and wanted to go home and pray...I was amazed and in speaking with the people it seemed like it was profitable.

I now feel like I cannot quite, that I need to keep pressing forward in this matter of prayer, concern, repentance, burden, intimacy with God, the power of Christ in me, and so on. I ask you to pray for me and our church and please offer any similar experiences, times of personal growth, and any advice would be great to! Thanks for listening...
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post #2 of 4 (permalink) Old 03-18-2004, 07:25 AM
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Thank you for the honest, heart felt post. This is the kind of sharing that appeals to me, not I know more about the bible than you do stuff. I can always tell when someone has been truly touched by God by their humility level. Sounds like you are going through a growth period for sure. I've been through several myself, am going through another right now. This one's been going on for almost a year. My experience has been, that when I gave my life to serve God, I became a work in progress. That spirtual growth comes in cycles. On the down side is where the growth comes. Plants need sunlight but they do their growing in the dark. I know from past experiences that I was being prepared for a new task or more responsablity. Theres been times when I was on the verge of helping alot of people, bringing them to God and that same negative thinking and lies would come in my mind so strong I would almost give up. Now I know that if the devil is so scared of what I might do, who I might take away from him he has to take time out of his busy schedule to mess with me, then that tells me and should you your'e on the right track. God's getting ready to do some really cool things in your life and church. What always helps me is 1 peter 5 - 10. That after I've suffered a little while
that GOD HIMSELF will restore, estabish and strengthen me. From what you said here, sounds like your'e doing all the right things. I'm glade you have a spiritual advisor, he's right on about surrendering it to God. Giving up my will and surrendering to God's will wasn't that hard, staying surrendered has been the hard part. When I give up, God - shows up
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post #3 of 4 (permalink) Old 03-19-2004, 01:07 AM
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I don't really have any words of wisdom to offer you, just that I will pray for you. I myself am in some ways in a starting over period and I don't feel I have the authority or knowledge to give you any kind of specific guidance. I believe you are on the right path though.
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post #4 of 4 (permalink) Old 03-19-2004, 10:35 AM
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I have been kinda waiting to come up with some wonderful words of advice for you but I have nothing.

I will say this though, when a man can stand up infront of a group of people, who trust him and stand by his side and his word, and tell them that he has been wrong is a great man in my book. And I am sure that your church has a greater respect for you in doing so.

If you remember, Paul had the same problem and we all know what kind of man he was.
Rom 7:15 For that which I do I allow not: for what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I.
Rom 7:16 If then I do that which I would not, I consent unto the law that it is good.
Rom 7:17 Now then it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me.
I have alot of respect for you Lee.

As I was typing this I was reminded of Ephesions 6:
Eph 6:10 Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.
Eph 6:11 Put on the whole armor of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.
Eph 6:12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
Eph 6:13 Wherefore take unto you the whole armor of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.
Eph 6:14 Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness;
Eph 6:15 And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;
Eph 6:16 Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.
Eph 6:17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God:
Eph 6:18 Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints;
I like this because it says "and having done all to stand, stand..." God does not put quiters in places of authority so keep standing and pressing on and you will see God do wonderful and mighty things.

No other posters were flamed, ridiculed, persecuted, belittled, berated, judged or otherwise in the making of the above-posted reply. It is with respect all are asked to observe this and to provide the same courtesy bestowed upon those who have posted and those who will post. Yada, Yada, doublespeak and so forth!
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