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post #1 of 1 (permalink) Old 06-15-2001, 09:49 AM Thread Starter
Merry HoHo
 
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Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: User Id: 30310 Name: SneakyDaPimp
Posts: 32,791
Post JOKES

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while
He's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey
grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced
limes and eats them, then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue
ball, sticks it In his mouth and swallows it whole. The bartender
screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy
says, "No, what?"
"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table -- whole!" says the
bartender.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He eats
everything in sight, the little twerp. I'll pay for the cue ball and
stuff. He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later
he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink
and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the Man is
drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it,
Sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is
disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" "No. what?" asks the
patron.
"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and
ate it!" says the barkeeper.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He still eats
everything in sight, but ever since he ate that cue ball he measures
everything first!!!
.
.
.
An elderly couple is enjoying an anniversary dinner together in a small
tavern. The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the
first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this
tavern where you leaned against the fence and I made love to you from
behind?" "Yes," she says, "I remember it well." "OK," he says, "How
about taking a stroll 'round there again and we can do it for old time's
sake." "Oooooooh Henry, you devil, that sounds like a good idea," she
answers. There's a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to
all this, and having a chuckle to himself. He thinks, 'I've got to see
this...two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye
on them so's there's no trouble.' So he follows them. They walk
haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by walking
sticks. Finally they get to
the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady
lifts her skirt, takes her knickers down and the old man drops his
trousers. She turns around and
as she hangs on to the fence, the old man moves in. Suddenly they erupt
into the most furious sex that the watching policeman has ever seen.
They are bucking and jumping like eighteen-year-olds. This goes on for
about forty minutes! She's yellling, "Ohhhh, God!" He's hanging on to
her hips for dear life. This is the most athletic sex imaginable.
Finally, they both collapse panting on the ground. The policeman is
amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life that he didn't
know. He starts to think about his own aged parents and wonders whether
they still have sex like this. After about half an hour of lying on the
ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their
clothes back on. The policeman,
still watching thinks, 'That was truly amazing, he was going like a
train.
I've got to ask him what his secret is.' As the couple pass, he says to
them,
"That was something else, you must have been shagging for about forty
minutes. How do you manage it? You must
have had a fantastic life together. Is there some sort of secret?" "No,
there's no secret," the old man says,"except that fifty years ago that
damn fence wasn't electric."


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