UPS pilot/mechanic banter - DFWstangs Forums
 
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post #1 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-18-2010, 06:46 AM Thread Starter
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UPS pilot/mechanic banter

Just in case you need a laugh:
Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.
After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way,UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.


P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
*
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
*
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
*
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
*
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-feet-per-minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
*
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
*
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
*
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
*
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF is always inoperative in OFF mode.
*
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
*
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
*
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
*
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics..
*
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
*
And the best one for last
*
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.
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post #2 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-18-2010, 06:57 AM
Lifer
 
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This is older than dfwstangs.
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post #3 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-18-2010, 08:56 AM
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lol first time I've seen that.

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post #4 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-18-2010, 05:34 PM
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You would be amazed at some of the write ups I have seen from pilots.

02 lightning
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post #5 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-18-2010, 08:23 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mk5.0 View Post
You would be amazed at some of the write ups I have seen from pilots.
X2
I've seen some real doozies in my day.
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post #6 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-18-2010, 09:52 PM
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Hahaha good one yeah Ive had some crazy/stupid shit from pilots as well. Also some funny crew chief humor such as: ro po mo no po no mo. (ro po mo= rotor positioning motor)

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post #7 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-19-2010, 11:37 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mk5.0 View Post
You would be amazed at some of the write ups I have seen from pilots.
do tell


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post #8 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-21-2010, 01:28 PM
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Matt a college degree is not need to fly jets. All you need is flight school and correct certification / licensing to fly. This is according to a friend of mine who is a pilot for Delta who does not have a college degree.





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post #9 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-24-2010, 07:27 PM
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Originally Posted by silverhatch View Post
This is older than dfwstangs.
it may be old, but its still funnier than shit
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post #10 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-25-2010, 08:34 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gnturboray View Post
Matt a college degree is not need to fly jets. All you need is flight school and correct certification / licensing to fly. This is according to a friend of mine who is a pilot for Delta who does not have a college degree.
I questioned that part, but left it in anyway.
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post #11 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-25-2010, 03:50 PM
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Too damn funny!
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post #12 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-25-2010, 03:59 PM
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Ive actually seen the IFF one,believe it went something like mode 4 iff inoperative in off, well no shit......
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post #13 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-25-2010, 04:39 PM
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Ive actually seen the IFF one,believe it went something like mode 4 iff inoperative in off, well no shit......
I've seen pretty much the same one too.
You can't educate common sense into someone, that's for damn sure.
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post #14 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-28-2010, 10:57 AM
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Haha funny but totally fake.

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post #15 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-30-2010, 01:16 AM
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I've heard some pretty dumb things from school bus drivers. "Radiator fluid" to refer to coolant, "brake fluid" leaking on buses with air brakes, etc.


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Women: vaginal life support.
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post #16 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-30-2010, 11:54 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by That_Is_My_El_Camino View Post
I've heard some pretty dumb things from school bus drivers. "Radiator fluid" to refer to coolant, "brake fluid" leaking on buses with air brakes, etc.
lots of people call coolant "radiator fluid" I see nothing wrong with that.

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post #17 of 26 (permalink) Old 05-31-2010, 03:16 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bmxerbrett View Post
lots of people call coolant "radiator fluid" I see nothing wrong with that.
Lots of people spell Camaro with an E, but that doesn't make it any less wrong.


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Women: vaginal life support.
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post #18 of 26 (permalink) Old 06-04-2010, 10:44 PM
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Iv had a truck driver bring in his truck and his complaint was "The starter stays engaged". I asked him to show me since I couldn't reproduce the problem. So he proceeds to start it an sure enough when he does it the starter stays engaged. I told him to let go of the key after he started it and what do you know? The starter disengaged.
My favourites have been
Customer: My car wont start/ My car died?
Me: There's no gas in it

C: My wind shield washer doesn't work any more
M:Washer fluid reservoir filled

C: My car died after I filled it up
M: You filled your gasoline powered car with diesel
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post #19 of 26 (permalink) Old 06-05-2010, 11:48 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 03trubluGT View Post
I questioned that part, but left it in anyway.
That quote came from the military, where you have to have a college degree to be an officer. And only officers can be pilots.

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post #20 of 26 (permalink) Old 06-18-2010, 05:03 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mk5.0 View Post
That quote came from the military, where you have to have a college degree to be an officer. And only officers can be pilots.
That's incorrect. List was hilarious though.

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post #21 of 26 (permalink) Old 06-21-2010, 08:19 PM
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That's incorrect. List was hilarious though. Hey Dustin how is that incorrect.
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post #22 of 26 (permalink) Old 06-21-2010, 08:37 PM
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Navy and Marine Corps, a degree is required to be a pilot. Army, not required. Air Force, pretty sure it's required.
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post #23 of 26 (permalink) Old 06-22-2010, 12:13 PM
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Originally Posted by helosailor View Post
Navy and Marine Corps, a degree is required to be a pilot. Army, not required. Air Force, pretty sure it's required.
Thanks
Yea i forgot that the Army has the Warrent Officers that fly and they do not have a degree
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post #24 of 26 (permalink) Old 06-24-2010, 10:47 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stephen4785 View Post
Iv had a truck driver bring in his truck and his complaint was "The starter stays engaged". I asked him to show me since I couldn't reproduce the problem. So he proceeds to start it an sure enough when he does it the starter stays engaged. I told him to let go of the key after he started it and what do you know? The starter disengaged.
My favourites have been
Customer: My car wont start/ My car died?
Me: There's no gas in it

C: My wind shield washer doesn't work any more
M:Washer fluid reservoir filled

C: My car died after I filled it up
M: You filled your gasoline powered car with diesel


bullshit. cant fill a car with diesel. now you can fill a diesel with gas...





and an A&P has a little more then a highschool diploma. and yes, that is totally fake, the FAA safety guy would shit a brick if those comments were entered.. but humorous to those that have no idea about the field.

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post #25 of 26 (permalink) Old 06-25-2010, 10:29 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SSgt Stang View Post
Thanks
Yea i forgot that the Army has the Warrent Officers that fly and they do not have a degree
True, and Air Force you need a degree to be a pilot.
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