The drunk and the Cop
A drunk is walking out of a bar and he can't find his car.
He walks up to the nearest cop and tells him that his car has been stolen.
The cop asks where his car was and the drunk says,"It was just right here on the end of my key."
The cop tells him to walk up to the police station and file a report so they can start looking for it and tells the drunk that he might want to zip up his pants first.
The drunk looks down and says,"Shit, they kidnapped my girlfriend too."