LITTLE JOHNNY ON MATH
A teacher asks her class, If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence, and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?'
She calls on little Johnny.
He replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.'
The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.'
Then little Johnny says, 'I have a question for YOU Miss Rogers'.
There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking on the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?'
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, 'Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.'
To which Little Johnny replies, 'The correct answer is 'The one with the wedding-ring on, 'but I like your thinking.'
LITTLE JOHNNY ON MATH (Part 2)
Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an 'F' in arithmetic.
'Why'? asks the father.
'The teacher asked 'How much is 2 x 3', so I said 6', replies Johnny.
'But that's right' says his father.
'Yeah, but then she asked me, 'How much is 3 x 2'
'What's the fuckin' difference?' asks the father.
'That's what I said' replied Johnny.
LITTLE JOHNNY ON ENGLISH :
Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words in our class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?'
Johnny says 'Mas-tur-bate..'
Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, Johnny, that's a real mouthful.'
Little Johnny says, No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blow-job.'
LITTLE JOHNNY ON GRAMMAR :
Little Johnny was sitting in the class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom...He yelled out, 'Miss Jones, I need to go take a piss!!'
The teacher replied, 'Now Johnny, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to is, 'I need to Urinate'. Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go.'
Little Johnny thinks for a bit, and then says, 'YOUR'E AN EIGHT, but if you had bigger tit s, you'd be a TEN'
LITTLE JOHNNY ON GRAMMAR (Part 2)
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word 'beautiful' in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, 'My father bought my mother a beautiful dress, and she looked beautiful in it.'
'Very good, Suzie,' replied the teacher.
She then called on little Michael. 'My mommy planned a beautiful banquet, and it turned out beautifully.'
She said, 'Excellent, Michael, excellent.' Then the teacher reluctantly called on little Kenny.
'Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said Beautiful, just fuckin' beautiful'.
LITTLE JOHNNY ON GETTING OLDER
Little Johnny was sitting on a park bench, munching on one candy bar after another.
After the 6th bar, a man on the bench across from him said, 'Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat.'
Little Johnny replied, 'My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.'
The man asked, 'Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time'?
Little Johnny answered, 'No, he just minded his own fuckin' business.
LITTLE JOHNNY ON REPOST POLICE