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post #1 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-31-2009, 02:53 PM Thread Starter
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Don't mess with old people.

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.


The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.'?



I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?



The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'



Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'



The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'



Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.



Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye..



Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.



Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.



'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks. 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'



The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.



Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.



The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.



But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.



'Are you okay?' the auditor asks



'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!'





Listen to my buddy, Jeff Bolton, from 6-9 AM Mon-Fri.

Obamanomics = Trickle Up Poverty

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post #2 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-31-2009, 07:23 PM
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lol

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post #3 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-31-2009, 07:41 PM
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Not bad, not bad at all.

They've done studies you know.... 60% of the time, it works every time



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post #4 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-01-2009, 08:48 AM
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Heard on very similar a while ago. It's still funny.

Dallas news reports Tony Romo tried to commit suicide last night!

Fortunately he dropped the gun and the bullet was intercepted!
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post #5 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-01-2009, 02:16 PM
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Quentin Tarantino told a very similar joke in Desperado... still funny!

Quote:
Originally Posted by HarrisonBT
I sound shit out man, lol. Firefox didnt have a suggestion. I figure A) I'm waay too far off, or B) It's spanish, and Firefox is an English Fox.

I facepalm myself.
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post #6 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-01-2009, 10:00 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tx Redneck View Post
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand...
'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks. 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars...
Grandpa's math skills are lacking.


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Women: vaginal life support.
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post #7 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-03-2009, 05:50 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by That_Is_My_El_Camino View Post
Grandpa's math skills are lacking.
$3000 x 2=$6000

If gramps won, he would have won $6000 from the IRS. That's how I read it - I know what you meant, though.
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post #8 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-03-2009, 07:37 PM
insert something aqui
 
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lol cool

1991 lx 5.0

lil ol 302

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post #9 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-04-2009, 07:55 AM
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Finally a joke that got a real lol...
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post #10 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-06-2009, 04:20 PM
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pretty good
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post #11 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-06-2009, 10:27 PM
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Funny, but the same(ish) joke has been posted a few times. I think it involves an old lady fondling a bankers balls with her attorney present... I forget
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post #12 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-06-2009, 10:29 PM
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lol not bad
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