Everything a girl needs to know... from Star Wars *Blake & Levi Warning* - DFWstangs Forums
 
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post #1 of 8 (permalink) Old 12-24-2008, 04:21 PM Thread Starter
Lifer
 
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Everything a girl needs to know... from Star Wars *Blake & Levi Warning*

*Be careful who you kiss -- you never know when they could turn out to be your brother.
*Always wear lots of lip gloss.
*Be prepared to save your own skin if two men are doing the rescuing. Chances are they'll cut off your only escape route and you'll have to jump into the nearest garbage chute (not good for your senatorial gown).
*Do not discuss things in a committee.
*Always have a new outfit for every occasion.
*Every hairstyle should resemble a pastry.
*Be wary of men with double-bladed lightsabers.
*Even if you are a Queen, there will always be some man trying to tell you what to do.
*Size matters not.
*Remember: You're a princess. You're brother is only a farmer.
*Never say "I'd rather kiss a Wookie". You never know when one might be nearby.
*You can out-shoot and out-maneuver any man you know in the Rebellion that you *lead...but be sure to scream and run when you see a Mynock.
*Lando's not a system. He's a man.
*Never trust a guy who greets you with "Well, well, well. What have we here?"
*Always fly directly into an asteroid field to lose pesky Imperials.
*Kissing your brother is a sure way to make another man jealous.
*Invest in strong styling products for those demanding and complicated hairstyles.
*The size and style of your hair is directly proportional to your rank as royalty and your attitude. The larger and more exotic your hair is, the more attitude you have and the higher on the ranking as royalty. To be a queen you must have extraordinarily big hair. To be a princess you can settle for the danish on each ear look.
*Note foul stenches, they usually indicate disaster.
*If your promotion is the result of a long distance choking, resign.
*Negotiations are short.
*When you're not sure whether you're going to kill someone or like them, chances are, you're in love.
*When someone you want kisses you, run away.
*Always have a metal Bikini on hand when visiting a slug.
*When in doubt, Obi-Wan IS your only hope
*It never hurts to know how to use a blaster, especially when being rescued by a wookie and a scruffy looking nerf-herder.
*Be sure to have a spare blaster hidden away somewhere on your throne. You will never know when you'll have to threaten a Viceroy.
*Faith in your friends is only a weakness if you're one of the bad guys.
*You can always trust a Jedi who's from the United Kingdom.
*No matter how cute they are, hanging around with guys who are strong in the ways of the Force will eventually lead to trouble from all corners of the galaxy.
*Being "Daddy's Girl" is not always a good thing, especially when he's a member of the Dark Side.
*When asked where the Rebel Base is, no matter how you answer it's a lose lose situation.
*White Nail Polish goes with every Royal Gown.
*If a stormtrooper looks too short to be a stormtrooper, he probably isn't one.
*Equal-rights for women disappeared right along with the Old Republic.
*Nothing sucks more than having a guy prematurely fire his torpedos before he gets to your exhaust port.
*At full throttle, Luke CAN pull out in time.
*Never go near a man with horns on his head and a double-bladed lightsabre who's got an obsession with facial tatoos. He's bound to be trouble.
*Never trust the guys wearing black leather.
*Watch out, there could be people coming through your south entrance.
*Always bring a droid with you. If you encounter alien species who think the droid is a god but think you are dinner, it could save your life.
*There's ALWAYS a bigger hairdo.
*Your apologies may be accepted...but you might not live to see it.
*If you see a evil looking emperor raise his fingers at you .... RUN!

Well that is all for now, I hope that this list will help those who are having trouble in the harsh galaxy.



Stolen from the internet.

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post #2 of 8 (permalink) Old 12-24-2008, 04:35 PM
You never go full retard
 
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You know Tony's already planning on framing this after he finishes printing it.

Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel, "Pick up your shovel, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land." Nearly 75 years ago, Roosevelt said,"Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a camel, this is the Promised Land." Now Obama has stolen your shovel..., taxed your asses, raised the price of camels and mortgaged the Promised Land!
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post #3 of 8 (permalink) Old 12-24-2008, 05:16 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MotoMan
You know Tony's already planning on framing this after he finishes printing it.
Not Tony, he's not much of the Star Wars nerd that Blake is. Blake probably already has a signed lithograph copy in his office at work, no doubt spackled with remnants of his, uhhhhh, boisterous self-applause.

On another note, I need some help/hints with photoshop. Can you assist?

Quote:
Originally Posted by HarrisonBT
I sound shit out man, lol. Firefox didnt have a suggestion. I figure A) I'm waay too far off, or B) It's spanish, and Firefox is an English Fox.

I facepalm myself.
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post #4 of 8 (permalink) Old 12-24-2008, 10:38 PM
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I don't get it...
post #5 of 8 (permalink) Old 12-24-2008, 10:51 PM
You never go full retard
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DON SVO
Not Tony, he's not much of the Star Wars nerd that Blake is. Blake probably already has a signed lithograph copy in his office at work, no doubt spackled with remnants of his, uhhhhh, boisterous self-applause.

On another note, I need some help/hints with photoshop. Can you assist?
Yes sir, what do you have for me?

Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel, "Pick up your shovel, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land." Nearly 75 years ago, Roosevelt said,"Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a camel, this is the Promised Land." Now Obama has stolen your shovel..., taxed your asses, raised the price of camels and mortgaged the Promised Land!
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post #6 of 8 (permalink) Old 12-25-2008, 02:51 AM Thread Starter
Lifer
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RedLilPony
I don't get it...

Talk nerdy to me.

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post #7 of 8 (permalink) Old 12-25-2008, 07:02 AM
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This thread rocks. I'm not a Star Wars nerd, but I'm a fan.


Quote:
Originally Posted by DON SVO View Post
Women: vaginal life support.
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post #8 of 8 (permalink) Old 12-25-2008, 08:22 AM
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Thats pretty funny. I used to watch those movies alot when I was a kid.....

No more hotrods.
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