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post #1 of 11 (permalink) Old 09-12-2008, 11:11 AM Thread Starter
phuk therd gier
 
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maintenance engineer solutions

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.


By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.




P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
*
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
*
P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
*
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
*
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
*
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
*
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
*
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
*
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
*
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
*
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search
*
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
*
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
*
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
*
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a
midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

04 converted V8
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post #2 of 11 (permalink) Old 09-12-2008, 12:28 PM
Time Served
 
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pretty good stuff.
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post #3 of 11 (permalink) Old 09-13-2008, 10:36 AM
Lifer
 
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not bad

http://banamex.mybrute.com

01 silver lightning
FOR SALE
* Lightning supercharger set up.*$800
-supercharger, intake manifold, intercooler, fuel rails, and 7 42lb injectors. plus misc.. parts
*4.6/5.4 Cobra water pump $60
*4R100 with 36k miles $800
Turbo 5.4 is a thief
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post #4 of 11 (permalink) Old 09-17-2008, 09:23 PM
Lifer
 
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Lmao @ # 1.
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post #5 of 11 (permalink) Old 09-17-2008, 09:27 PM
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ha. I got a pretty good kick out of that.

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post #6 of 11 (permalink) Old 09-18-2008, 12:38 AM
#4 Best QB Ever
 
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This joke was too stupid to read drunk. Fuck your mother!


Quote:
Originally Posted by DON SVO View Post
Women: vaginal life support.
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post #7 of 11 (permalink) Old 09-18-2008, 10:39 AM
Rice User
 
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P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

ROFL!!!
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post #8 of 11 (permalink) Old 09-18-2008, 01:10 PM
Musician for the deaf
 
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Except it was Qantis not UPS, and they have had some issues since this came out.
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post #9 of 11 (permalink) Old 09-18-2008, 03:12 PM Thread Starter
phuk therd gier
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Casper
Except it was Qantis not UPS, and they have had some issues since this came out.
its Casper the friendly joke analyzer

04 converted V8

Last edited by SY04Mustang; 09-18-2008 at 04:08 PM.
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post #10 of 11 (permalink) Old 09-19-2008, 10:56 AM
NOT AFGHANISTAN ANYMORE!!
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SY04Mustang
its Casper the friendly joke analyzer
Actually those jokes have been passed around the military for quite a while.

Dallas news reports Tony Romo tried to commit suicide last night!

Fortunately he dropped the gun and the bullet was intercepted!
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post #11 of 11 (permalink) Old 09-19-2008, 11:00 AM
que?
 
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P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
*
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
*
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
*
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a
midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

these four had my crying i was laughing so hard!!!
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