Men versus Women - for the millionth time - DFWstangs Forums
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post #1 of 18 (permalink) Old 05-06-2008, 02:04 PM Thread Starter
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Men versus Women - for the millionth time

Funny though.

Here's a prime example of 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus' offered by an English professor from the University of Colorado for an actual class assignment:

The professor told his class one day: 'Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right.

As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me.
The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth.

Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is o ver when both agree a conclusion has been reached.'

The following was actually turned in by two of his English students:
Rebecca and Gary.

THE STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca)

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

(second paragraph by Gary )

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. ' A.S. Harris to Geostation 17,' he said into his transgalactic communicator. ' Polar orbit es tablished. No sign of resistance so far...' But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.


He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. 'Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,' Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneous excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. 'Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?' s he pondered wistfully.

( Gary )

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam , felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie.


This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

( Gary )

Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. 'Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F--KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!'


As*[email protected]

( Gary )




( Gary )

In your dreams, Ho. Go drink some tea.


A+ - I really liked this one.
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post #2 of 18 (permalink) Old 05-06-2008, 02:09 PM
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I laughed my butt off at that one
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post #3 of 18 (permalink) Old 05-06-2008, 02:14 PM
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LMAO, true story!
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post #4 of 18 (permalink) Old 05-06-2008, 02:15 PM
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lol thats awesome

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post #5 of 18 (permalink) Old 05-06-2008, 02:19 PM
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Oh man now that made me laugh my ass off.
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post #6 of 18 (permalink) Old 05-06-2008, 02:23 PM
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Pretty good
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post #7 of 18 (permalink) Old 05-06-2008, 02:33 PM
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Thumbs up

That was hilarious! I needed a good laugh.

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post #8 of 18 (permalink) Old 05-06-2008, 02:37 PM
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LMAO! Awesome
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post #9 of 18 (permalink) Old 05-06-2008, 02:53 PM
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that was great
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post #10 of 18 (permalink) Old 05-06-2008, 02:57 PM
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haha that was pretty good
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post #11 of 18 (permalink) Old 05-06-2008, 03:09 PM
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I've always admired whoever came up with that one. The funny thing is it's on Snopes with a lady claiming 2 of her students wrote it in 1997. My Creative Writing teacher in high school gave us all a copy of that joke in 1993 or 1994. The original didn't have all the explicatives at the end, just asshole, and bitch.

'Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F--KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!'

That entire bit has been added too.
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post #12 of 18 (permalink) Old 05-06-2008, 03:13 PM
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lmao at the "girl i spent one sweaty night over" part

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It's like bragging about a 6 inch dick. Sure, you're a superstar compared to the poor fucker with only 4 inches, but your porn career is still going to be lackluster.
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post #13 of 18 (permalink) Old 05-06-2008, 03:56 PM
Lost in suburbia HELLLLLL
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I am literally in fucking tears that was sooo fucking funny!!!!!!! That is greatness.

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post #14 of 18 (permalink) Old 05-06-2008, 06:08 PM
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LMGDAO!!!!!!!! That bitch got fucking owned!
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post #15 of 18 (permalink) Old 05-06-2008, 06:18 PM
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LOL! That story is greatness!
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post #16 of 18 (permalink) Old 05-09-2008, 11:16 PM
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fucking AWESOME.
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post #17 of 18 (permalink) Old 05-11-2008, 07:08 PM
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Best damn joke I've read on here in the past few years.
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post #18 of 18 (permalink) Old 05-14-2008, 12:21 AM
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that was a good one!!!
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