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post #1 of 10 (permalink) Old 02-19-2008, 02:12 PM Thread Starter
Bla Bla Bla
 
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: The Amazon
Posts: 3,382
Wink Pet Rules

Pet Rules...

To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other
dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in
the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming
your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the
slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating
me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I
fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry
about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure
your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they
sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other
stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking
tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to
maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by
some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw
under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the
same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --
canine or feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt.
I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our
front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
(That's why they call it 'furniture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who
is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less.
2. Don't ask for money all the time.
3. Are easier to train.
4. Normally come when called.
5. Never ask to drive the car.
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends.
7. Don't smoke or drink.
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions.
9. Don't want to wear your clothes.
10. Don't need a 'gazillion' dollars for college.

And finally,
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.
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post #2 of 10 (permalink) Old 02-19-2008, 02:18 PM
Time Served
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
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That was cute
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post #3 of 10 (permalink) Old 02-19-2008, 02:22 PM
phuk therd gier
 
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couldnt be more true

04 converted V8
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post #4 of 10 (permalink) Old 02-19-2008, 02:22 PM
Lifer
 
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Posts: 2,176
So true! Mine are home alone more than I am home! They think they own the place
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post #5 of 10 (permalink) Old 02-19-2008, 02:37 PM
May the Force be w/you
 
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Location: El Paso, Tx
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LOL! Good one! So true!
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post #6 of 10 (permalink) Old 02-19-2008, 10:46 PM
Fuzzy Flounder Fishin'
 
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Location: On the express train to management training in hell.
Posts: 2,547
the last entry is the best one yet..

┌∩┐(-_-)┌∩┐
That's directed at you, UHHHbama
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post #7 of 10 (permalink) Old 02-19-2008, 10:56 PM
I'm a GIRL.
 
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Location: Fort Worth
Posts: 2,453
That was a good one. I think they wrote that about our animals, because I found myself agreeing with every point they made.
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post #8 of 10 (permalink) Old 02-24-2008, 11:26 AM
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cute but true
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post #9 of 10 (permalink) Old 02-28-2008, 12:56 AM
Metric Wrench
 
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Location: Watauga, Texas
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Hmm. My pets do have some friends that use drugs.
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post #10 of 10 (permalink) Old 03-03-2008, 05:50 PM
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Thumbs up


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