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post #1 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-05-2007, 03:27 PM Thread Starter
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When Girls Dont Put Out

WHEN GIRLS DON'T PUT OUT!



This was written by a guy... it's pretty damn smart. Girls -- Please have a sense of humor!

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"

I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.
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post #2 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-05-2007, 06:06 PM
who cares
 
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Greatness!
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post #3 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-05-2007, 06:09 PM
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I liked the shit out of that.
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post #4 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-05-2007, 06:10 PM
I hate ghetto niggers
 
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hahahahahahahha

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post #5 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-05-2007, 06:17 PM
Full tilt boogie !!
 
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Must resist...reeeepppppoooo aw fuck it, its still funny the second time.

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post #6 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-05-2007, 06:22 PM
 
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Ownage!! :d
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post #7 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-05-2007, 06:26 PM
NOT AFGHANISTAN ANYMORE!!
 
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That was awsome.

Dallas news reports Tony Romo tried to commit suicide last night!

Fortunately he dropped the gun and the bullet was intercepted!
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post #8 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-05-2007, 10:53 PM
 
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Good one
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post #9 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-05-2007, 10:56 PM
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one word.... CLASSIC..
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post #10 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-05-2007, 11:08 PM
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Thumbs up

that was great
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post #11 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-06-2007, 12:37 AM
Lifer
 
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funny

Quote:
Originally Posted by MR EDD View Post
it was not a problem to bring money to his house at 10pm.so why is it a problem to call and bitch.it wasnt a problem when we were all sitting around smoking pot together.yes i said it we all were smoking pot together.what now stupid.
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post #12 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-06-2007, 07:04 AM
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post #13 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-06-2007, 08:52 AM
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Damn bro that is greatness.
I'm printing it out and leaving it on the table for 'you-know-who' to read.

h...................
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post #14 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-06-2007, 11:21 AM
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there wouldnt have been pussy for days, possibly even weeks, after something like that.

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It's like bragging about a 6 inch dick. Sure, you're a superstar compared to the poor fucker with only 4 inches, but your porn career is still going to be lackluster.
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post #15 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-06-2007, 12:57 PM
Googlist-Wikipedian
 
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post #16 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-07-2007, 11:38 AM
Lifer
 
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Oh hell yeah that is great. But I agree I would probably be getting the cold shoulder for a long time after that!!!
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post #17 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-08-2007, 01:51 PM
Slingin rock on da corner
 
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Seen that one on myspace a few times.......still funny though

Remember, some people are alive simply because it is illegal to kill them.


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post #18 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-08-2007, 02:00 PM
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Nice!
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post #19 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-08-2007, 08:25 PM
Do Work Son!!!!!
 
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Pricless

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post #20 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-09-2007, 11:13 AM
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damn in need to tell mine that!

wheelie king!
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post #21 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-11-2007, 10:27 PM
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shit, if i told my wife that i wouldnt get any for a month...oh wait , i already did
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