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post #1 of 4 (permalink) Old 02-13-2007, 09:30 AM Thread Starter
4 Cams are better than 1
 
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Join Date: May 2006
Location: TEXAS
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New Work Policy

Not sure if repost....

IMPORTANT NOTICE TO ALL EMPLOYEES


Company Policy: Effective Immediately



Dress Code:



It is advised that you come to work dressed According to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore, you do not need a raise.



Sick Days:



We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the Doctor, you are able to come to work.



Personal Days:



Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.



Bereavement Leave:



This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.



Toilet Use:



Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.



Lunch Break:



Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get a 5 minute lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.




Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, Irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation, and input should be directed elsewhere.



The Management Team
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post #2 of 4 (permalink) Old 02-13-2007, 08:24 PM
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
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Funny!
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post #3 of 4 (permalink) Old 02-14-2007, 09:13 AM
Dont Be Stupid
 
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DAMN, sounds like the company I work for

95 gt - Work in progress...306,TFS heads,Holley systemax II,--It's Alive..After 3 years

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post #4 of 4 (permalink) Old 02-16-2007, 01:03 PM
My sh*t don't stink
 
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Hey, you better watch it. Our company policy manual is protected by copyright

Wag more, Bark less.
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