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post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 12-17-2006, 10:10 PM Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
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A Man's Christmas List

If you are not done buying for your man here are some suggestions:
What to buy a man for Christmas.....
With the holidays approaching, use these rules when shopping for
men's gifts.

Rule #1
When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he
already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to
complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills.
No one knows why.

Rule #2
If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word
ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey
George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. " By the way, are you
through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?"
Again, no one knows why.

Rule #3
If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99-
cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or something to hang from
his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars.
No one knows why.

Rule #4
Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men
bathrobes. I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes,
he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.

Rule #5
You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have
worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV
with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips,
and flips, and flips.

Rule #6
Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs. If you do, it will sit
in a cupboard for 23 years.

Rule #7
Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after shave or
deodorant. I'm told they do not stink - they are earthy. And it will
last for 23 years.

Rule #8
Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a
couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. Socks.
Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink. You get the idea.
No one knows why.

Rule #9
Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on the
box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left
over.

Rule #10
Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Fleet Farm,
Menards, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Expert Tire. NAPA Auto
Parts and Sears' Clearance Centers are also excellent men's stores.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what it is. "From NAPA Auto, eh?
Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford
Fairlane? Wow! Thanks."

Rule #11
Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they will
barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank.
Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants
a hamburger?"

Rule #12
Tickets to any sporting events is a smart gift. However, he will not
appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts."
Everyone knows why.

Rule #13
Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a Chainsaw. If
you don't know why - please refer to Rule #8 and what happens when he
gets a label maker.

Rule #14
It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension
ladder. Never buy a real man a step ladder. It must be an extension
ladder.
No one knows why.

Rule #15
Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at
least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8"
manila rope.
No one knows why.
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post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 12-18-2006, 06:36 AM
DFWS
 
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lol!!!

Keepin' The Old School Alive
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post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 12-18-2006, 11:35 AM
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post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 12-22-2006, 03:51 AM
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Three people thought this joke was funny.
No one knows why.
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post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 12-23-2006, 02:59 PM
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Location: Arlington/Lejune
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RyanB
Three people thought this joke was funny.
No one knows why.

make that 4 people i lmao at it

R.I.P. Lcpl Ivan I. Wilson K.I.A. July 21 2008
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