If Santa Answered His Mail Hounestly - DFWstangs Forums
 
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post #1 of 4 (permalink) Old 12-06-2006, 06:33 PM Thread Starter
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Location: Cleburne
Posts: 926
If Santa Answered His Mail Hounestly

If Santa answered his mail honestly...



Dear Santa

I wood like a cool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer

yer Frend, BiLLy



Dear Billy,

Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send
you a friggin' book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your
older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!

Santa




Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and
joy in the world for everybody!

Love, Sarah


Dear Sarah,

Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?

Santa



Dear Santa,

I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy
and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do?

Love, Teddy


Dear Teddy,

Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane.
Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who
rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you
some nice Legos instead.

Santa



Dear Santa,

I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum
kit, a pony and a tuba.

Love, Francis


Dear Francis,

Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay, I'll set you up
with a Barbie.

Santa



Dear Santa,

I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your
reindeer outside the back door.

Love, Susan


Dear Susan,

Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding
in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of scotch.

Santa



Dear Santa,

What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you bus! y making toys?

Your friend, Thomas


Dear Thomas,

All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Miami, where I spend most
of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly
and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the
craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.

Santa



Dear Santa,

Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like
in the song?

Love, Jessica


Dear Jessica,

Are you really that gullible or are you just a Blonde? Good luck in whatever
you do. I'm skipping your house.

Santa



Dear Santa,

I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE
could I have one?

Timmy


Timmy,

That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't
work with me. You're getting a sweater again.

Santa



Dearest Santa,

We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?

Love, Marky



Mark, first, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your
ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a
low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like the
boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.

Sweet Dreams, Santa
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post #2 of 4 (permalink) Old 12-06-2006, 06:35 PM
Ted
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Looks like Santa is bringing me Legos, go dad!

*By the looks of Billy's, it very well could have been written by our one and only!

Last edited by Ted; 12-06-2006 at 06:41 PM.
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post #3 of 4 (permalink) Old 12-07-2006, 09:41 AM
who cares
 
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Lmao!!
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post #4 of 4 (permalink) Old 12-07-2006, 02:14 PM
Merry HoHo
 
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Location: User Id: 30310 Name: SneakyDaPimp
Posts: 32,791
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ted
Looks like Santa is bringing me Legos, go dad!

*By the looks of Billy's, it very well could have been written by our one and only!
bASTARD

.(OBAMA) One Big Ass Mistake America
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