oil change....repost? - DFWstangs Forums
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post #1 of 4 (permalink) Old 03-08-2002, 08:40 AM Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Plano, Tx
Posts: 885
oil change....repost?

Oil change instructions for women:

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000
miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a
properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:
Oil change $20.00
Coffee $1.00
Total $21.00

Oil change instructions for men:

1) Go to auto parts store and write a check for $50
for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner, and a
scented tree.
2) Discover that the used oil container is full.
Instead of taking it back to recycle, dump in hole in
back yard.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil. Get hot oil on
you in process.
12) Clean up mess.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Look for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up. Poke oil filter with screwdriver and
twist off.
16) Beer.
17) Buddy shows up. Finish case of beer with him.
Finish oil change tomorrow.
18) Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from
underneath car.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20) Beer: no, drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to 7-11. Buy beer.
22) Install new oil filter, making sure to apply a
thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Discover that the used oil is buried in a hole in
the back yard, along with drain plug.
27) Drink beer.
28) Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.
29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on
the floor.
30) Drink beer.
31) Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang
knuckles on frame.
32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
33) Begin cussing fit.
34) Throw wrench.
35) Cuss for additional ten minutes because wrench hit
Miss December (1992) in the left boob.
36) Beer.
37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as
required to stop blood flow.
38) Beer.
39) Beer.
40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41) Beer.
42) Lower car from jack stands.
43) Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh
oil spilled during step 23.
45) Beer.
46) Test drive car.
47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the
48) Car gets impounded.
49) Make bail.
50) Get car from impound yard.

Money spent:
Parts $50.00
DUI $2500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Beer $25.00
Total $4150.00
But you know the job was done right!

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post #2 of 4 (permalink) Old 03-11-2002, 08:07 AM
WTF is Zed?
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Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: www.dfwmustangs.net
Posts: 10,374
seen it before but still amusing
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post #3 of 4 (permalink) Old 03-14-2002, 07:23 AM
crystal balla
GirlieSpeedracer's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 1,462
my mom printed that out for me the other day, and showed it to me... laughed my ass off!! made me think of someone i know when they changed my oil! hahaha
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post #4 of 4 (permalink) Old 03-14-2002, 08:50 AM
Join Date: Oct 2001
Posts: 4,109
Shit, I change my own oil. All of the girls on this board do have to have someone to do it for them.

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