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post #1 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-17-2006, 03:32 PM Thread Starter
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Thumbs up Funny Things to Say During Sex

1. The Bob Dole
Before all is said and done, I will make this one famous. All credit for this must go to the man who created it, for now he shall be known only as “Maples”. I described this tactic once before. Wait until the woman is a few seconds away from an orgasm, stop, look her straight in the eye, and say in a low tone “Bob Dole”. This never fails to end a relationship.

2. The Ninja Scream
This is done mid-sex. As soon as things get hot and heavy and the girl is getting into it, start pounding her as hard as you can and scream out “NINJA! IM A NINJA!” Immediately after you say this, jump up and start fake fighting an imaginary foe.

3. Yo Querro Taco Bell
This one is done while you are eating the pussy. Again, you must wait until she is all hot. The trick to this one is getting that first little scream. You must then stop, look at her and wait for her to look back, smile, and say “Yo querro Taco Bell.” You must then continue on like nothing happened.

4. The “Dwayne Johnson”
The great one himself inspired this one. Here is the deal: while in mid stroke, say in a manly voice, “You like this? Want more?” She will start to respond. As soon as she opens up her mouth to say something, cut her off in a loud voice and shout “It doesn’t matter!”

5. The Primus
You can only pull this one off if your name is not Mud. This one differs from the others also in the fact that it is done right after sex. While you are both basking in the goodness that is the few minutes after sex, tell her your name is Mud using your best Primus voice. When she looks at you funny, continue to go through the rest of the lyrics to the song until she gives up and leaves.

6. Screaming your own name
The key to doing this one right is to wait until she says your name. As soon as she does this, say “Yeah, ZERO! Fucking ZERO! YOU ROCK!” Substitute my name for your own.

7. The “Chas”
This can be pulled off at any time during intercourse. You have to be all into it then all of a sudden get an annoyed look on your face and scream out in the direction of the nearest room, “MOM! MEATLOAF!” Go back to fucking her for a second then get an even more annoyed look and scream it again.

8. The “Jesus”
This must be done during the more intimate moments. You know, when she is looking you in the eye with that sweet, chick-like, I-love-you look. Slow things down a bit, stare at her back, and in a girly voice sing “Jesus loves the little children...”

9. The “Arnold”
While “Get to the chopper, NOW!” is the best, any of Arnolds catch phrases may be used. In order to make this funny, you must kind of sound like Arnold when you are doing it. Another good one to use is “So, you cook up a story and toss the six of us in a meat grinder?”
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post #2 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-17-2006, 03:40 PM
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LMFAO! @ the bob dole, ninja scream and "the Jesus"

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post #3 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-17-2006, 03:42 PM
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The Taco Bell one is classic. The Jesus one was funny, but a bit fucked up.

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post #4 of 14 (permalink) Old 11-10-2006, 10:50 PM
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thats some funny shit
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post #5 of 14 (permalink) Old 11-13-2006, 05:15 PM
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I am laughin at Geofs nasty ass dog throwin up
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post #6 of 14 (permalink) Old 11-15-2006, 04:42 PM
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I'm a big fan of "I told you I had (insert STD here), right?"

Or "My girlfriend is gonna be so pissed!"
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post #7 of 14 (permalink) Old 11-16-2006, 09:36 AM
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I prefer doing "The Submarine"

As you're getting turned on, quickly whisper "up periscope". The hope is that she doesn't hear it directly, but gives you a look. During sex, you need to mumble things like, "right full rudder!", "reactor at 103 percent" and "70 degrees downward angle"

RIght as you cum, scream at the top of your lungs while covering your ears, "FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!!!!!!"

You have the option to say "down periscope" after you clean up.

Quote:
Originally Posted by HarrisonBT
I sound shit out man, lol. Firefox didnt have a suggestion. I figure A) I'm waay too far off, or B) It's spanish, and Firefox is an English Fox.

I facepalm myself.
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post #8 of 14 (permalink) Old 11-16-2006, 09:46 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SLO SVO
I prefer doing "The Submarine"

As you're getting turned on, quickly whisper "up periscope". The hope is that she doesn't hear it directly, but gives you a look. During sex, you need to mumble things like, "right full rudder!", "reactor at 103 percent" and "70 degrees downward angle"

RIght as you cum, scream at the top of your lungs while covering your ears, "FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!!!!!!"

You have the option to say "down periscope" after you clean up.
Be serious, you don't have sex.

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post #9 of 14 (permalink) Old 11-16-2006, 10:02 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Undertaker
Be serious, you don't have sex.
If I was forced to come home to you every night, I would never have sex.

Well, with you anyways.

Quote:
Originally Posted by HarrisonBT
I sound shit out man, lol. Firefox didnt have a suggestion. I figure A) I'm waay too far off, or B) It's spanish, and Firefox is an English Fox.

I facepalm myself.
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post #10 of 14 (permalink) Old 11-17-2006, 09:49 AM
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post #11 of 14 (permalink) Old 11-21-2006, 03:15 PM
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I always like the slippery magician.....Its where you are fuckin your g/f doggy style in front of a window and you swith with a buddy and you get dressed and go wave at her through the window
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post #12 of 14 (permalink) Old 11-21-2006, 03:19 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by almundenslow68pos
I always like the slippery magician.....Its where you are fuckin your g/f doggy style in front of a window and you swith with a buddy and you get dressed and go wave at her through the window
i don't think i'll be letting any of my buddies fuck my girl anytime soon but can you imagine the look on her face as you wave through the window lol

I'll show your president the same respect you showed mine.
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post #13 of 14 (permalink) Old 11-22-2006, 04:36 PM
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Quote:
4. The “Dwayne Johnson”
The great one himself inspired this one. Here is the deal: while in mid stroke, say in a manly voice, “You like this? Want more?” She will start to respond. As soon as she opens up her mouth to say something, cut her off in a loud voice and shout “It doesn’t matter!”
LMFAO

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post #14 of 14 (permalink) Old 11-22-2006, 06:02 PM
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Who would say any of this shit? Is this with a one night stand or your gf.
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