Q - What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
A - Nothin. You done told that bitch twice.
Q - What do you do when your wife is stumbling around in the backyard?
A - Shoot her again.
Q - What's the first thing a woman does after she gets back from the battered women's shelter?
A - The God damned dishes, if she knows what's good for her.
Doctor says, I've got some good news and I've got some bad news.
What's the bad news, Doc?
You've got ten days to live.
Well then what's the good news?
Did you see that hot blonde receptionist out there? I'm fucking her!