Jotd #4 & 5 - DFWstangs Forums
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post #1 of 2 (permalink) Old 09-29-2006, 04:26 PM Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 656
Jotd #4 & 5

alright.. so I missed a day.. didn't even make it a week lol so here's a couple for ya.

To My Dear Wife, You will surely understand that I have certain needs that being with a 54-year old you can no longer supply. I am very happy with you and value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this fax, I hope you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be perturbed I shall be back home before midnight".

When the man came home, he found the following letter on the dining room table...

My Dear Husband, I received your fax and thank you for your honesty. I too am very happy with you and value you as a good husband. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. At the same time I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, my tennis coach, who like your secretary is also 18 years old. As a successful businessman and with your excellent knowledge of Math, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference. 18 goes into 54 more often than 54 goes into 18. Therefore I will not be back until dinner time tomorrow".

President George Bush is on a trip to several European countries. While visiting England, he is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people. He asks how she knows if they're intelligent.
"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate." The Queen phones Tony Blair, puts him on a speaker phone and says, "Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question for me. ‘Your mother has a child, your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?'" Tony Blair responds, "It's me, madam."
"Correct. Thank you and goodbye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. President?" "Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!" Upon returning home, he decides he'd better put some of his old friends to the test. He calls Dick Cheney first and says, "Hi, Dick, I wonder if you can answer a question for me." "Why, of course, Mr President. What's on your mind?" "Well, your mother has a child and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?" Cheney hums and haws and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?" Bush agrees, and Cheney hangs up.
Cheney immediately calls members of his staff and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Cheney calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem. "Now look here, Colin, your mother has a child, your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?" Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course, you idiot."

Much relieved Cheney rushes back to call Bush and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's Colin Powell!" And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, it's Tony Blair!"

Gay George goes into the doctor's office and has some tests run. The doctor comes back and says "George, I am not going to beat around the bush. You have AIDS."

George is devastated. "Doc, what can I do?"

The doctor says "I want you to go home and eat 5 pounds of spicy sausage, a head of cabbage, 20 un-peeled carrots drenched in hot sauce, 10 Jalapeno peppers, 40 walnuts and 40 peanuts, 1/2 box of All Bran cereal, and top it off with a gallon of prune juice."
George asks, "Will that cure me, Doc?"

"No, but it should leave you with a better understanding of what your asshole is for."
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post #2 of 2 (permalink) Old 09-30-2006, 01:54 AM
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I've heard the first one and the last one before.

Still good though

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