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post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 08-04-2006, 05:32 PM Thread Starter
Time Served
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Pottsboro
Posts: 276
Heat Humor

NEW TEXAN'S DIARY


May 30th:
Just moved to Austin, Texas.
Now this is a city that knows how to live!!
Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place!
I watched the sunset from a park lying on a blanket.
It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.


June 14th:
Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an
air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure
to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshiper.


June 30th:
Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus
and rocks. What a breeze to maintain.
No more mowing lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.


July 10th:
The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people get used
to this kind of heat? At least it's kind of windy though. But getting
used to the heat and humidity is taking longer that I expected.




July 15th:
Fell asleep by the pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body).
Missed 3 days of work What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson
though.
Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.


July 20th:
I missed Morgan (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this
morning. By the time I got to the hot car for lunch, Morgan had died
and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the $2,000
leather upholstery. I told the kids that she ran away. The car now
smells like
Kibbles and shits. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this
heat.


July 25th:
The wind sucks.. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!! And it's
hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is not working and the AC
repairman charged $200 just to d rive by and tell me he needed to order
parts.


July 30th:
Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. $1,500 in damn
house payments and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?


Aug. 4th:
It's 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today. It cost
$500 and gets the temperature down to 85, but this freaking humidity
makes the house feel like it's about 95. Stupid repairman. I hate this
stupid city.

Aug. 8th:
If another wise ass asks, "Hot enough for you today?" I'm going to
strangle him. Damn heat. By the time I get to work the radiator is
boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!!



Aug. 9th:
Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and sat on the black
leather seats in the ol' car. I thought my ass was on fire. I lost 2
layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and ass. Now my car
smells like burnt hair, fried ass, and baked cat.


Aug. 10th:
The weather report might as well be a damn recording. Hot and sunny.
Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do shit for 2 damn
months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week.
Doesn't it ever rain in this damn desert? Water rationing now, so my
$1700 worth of cactus just dried up and blew into the damn pool.
Even the cactus can't live in this damn heat.


Aug. 14th:
Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature got to 115 today. Forgot to crack the
window and blew the damn windshield out of the car. The installer came
to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?" My wife had to spend
the
$1500 house payment to bail me out of jail.
Freaking Texas. What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live
here...
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post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 08-04-2006, 05:47 PM
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
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fuking hilarious, i could not stop laughing
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post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 08-04-2006, 11:30 PM
Merry HoHo
 
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Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: User Id: 30310 Name: SneakyDaPimp
Posts: 32,791
awesome

.(OBAMA) One Big Ass Mistake America
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post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 08-05-2006, 09:03 AM
Lifer
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 7,548
the bad part is that it is TRUE

FTP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 08-06-2006, 09:11 AM
OB1
Lifer
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: San Antonio
Posts: 2,001
That was one of the funnier things I have read in a while. Good stuff

In the words of Mike Tyson.... "Everyone has a plan until they get hit inda mouf"

Chevy guys...in here
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post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 08-07-2006, 11:15 AM
Time Served
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Virginia Beach VA
Posts: 915
Good stuff man. I've been gone for a year and 8 months but can't wait to get back. Even though all that stuff is true!!
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