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post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old 03-01-2002, 11:59 AM Thread Starter
Merry HoHo
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Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: User Id: 30310 Name: SneakyDaPimp
Posts: 32,791
one liners

~ I was so poor growing up .. if I wasn't a boy ... I'd have had nothing
to play with.
~ A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over; nobody's home.
"I went over. Nobody was home.
~ During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other
night she called me from a hotel
~ One day I came home early from work I saw a guy jogging naked. I said
to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said "Because you
came home early."
~ It's been a rough day. I got up this morning put a shirt on and a
button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm
afraid to go to the bathroom.
~ I was such an ugly kid...When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept
covering me up.
~ I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and
~ I was such an ugly baby...My mother never breast fed me. She told me
that she only liked me as a friend.
~ I'm so ugly...My father carries around a picture of the kid who came
with his wallet.
~ When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to my
father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through."
~ I'm so ugly...My mother had morning sickness...AFTER I was born.
~ I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my
finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
~ Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me find
my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He
said,"I don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide."
~ My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
~ I'm so ugly...I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big
I'd get.
~ I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and I
look in the mirror...I feel like throwing up; What's wrong with me?" He
said..."I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."
~ I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills.
My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
~ With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite
in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.
~ Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because in every room he leaves a
pyramid. His favorite bone is in my arm. Last night he went on the paper
four times - three of those times I was reading it.
~ One year they wanted to make me poster boy - for birth control.
~ My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the
electric chair
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post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old 03-01-2002, 01:17 PM
Join Date: Dec 2001
Posts: 1,450
Those are funny...except this one

~ A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over; nobody's home.
"I went over. Nobody was home.

That's not funny, that happened to me
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post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old 03-06-2002, 12:16 PM
WTF is Zed?
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Join Date: Oct 2001
Posts: 10,374
Need to insert some drum beats after each of them to get the full effect.
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