APPLICATION FOR A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
Name of Boyfriend/Fiancé/Husband: __________________________
I request my permission for a leave of absence from the highest authority in my life for the following period:
Date: ________ Time of departure: ________ Time of return NOT to exceed: ________
Should permission be granted, I do solemnly swear to only visit the locations stated below, at the stated times. I agree to refrain from hitting on or flirting with other women. I shall not even speak to another female, except as expressly permitted in writing below. I will not turn off my mobile after two pints, nor shall I consume above the allowed volume of alcohol without first phoning for a taxi AND calling you for a verbal waiver of said alcohol allowance. I understand that even if permission is granted to go out, my girlfriend/fiancé/wife retains the right to be pissed off with me the following week for no valid reason whatsoever.
Amount of alcohol allowed (units) Beer _______ Wine _______ Liquor _______ Total _______
Locations to be visited: __________________________________________________ ______________
Females with whom conversation is permitted: ______________________________________________
IMPORTANT – STRIPPER CLAUSE: Not withstanding the female contact permitted above, I promise to refrain from coming within one hundred (100) feet of a stripped or exotic dancer. Violation of this Stripper Clause shall be grounds for immediate termination of the relationship.
I acknowledge my position in life. I know who wears the trousers in our relationship, and I agree it's not me. I promise to abide by your rules and regulations. I understand that this is going to cost me a fortune in chocolates and flowers. You reserve the right to obtain and use my credit cards whenever you wish to do so. I hereby promise to take you on an unlimited shopping spree, should I not return home by approved time. On my way home, I will not pick a fight with any stranger, nor shall I conduct in depth discussions with the said entity. I will refrain from waking you up, breathing my vile breath in your face, and attempting to breed like a (drunken) rabbit.
I declare that to the best of my knowledge (of which I have none compared to my BETTER half), the above information is correct.
Signed – Boyfriend/Fiancé/Husband: _______________________
Request is: APPROVED ___ DENIDED ___
This decision is not negotiable. If approved, cut permission slip below and carry at all times.
Permission for my boyfriend/fiancé/husband to be away for the following period of time:
Date: __________ Time of departure: __________ Time of return: __________
Signed – Girlfriend/Fiancé/Wife: _____________________________________
** This might need to go into use at our house.