Counter: Equal Time
1) Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.
2) Why do women have smaller feet than men?
So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
3) How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There's a clock on the stove.
4) If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog... he shuts up after you let him in.
5) All wives are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell them apart.
6) I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
7) I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months, I don't like to interrupt her.
8) What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence? Divorced.
9) Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%... Wedding cake.
10) In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested!
11) Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
12) What is the difference between a dog and a fox?
About 5 drinks.
13) Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
14) Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
15) A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
16) The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
17) First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
18) How do most men define marriage?
An expensive way to get laundry done for free.
19) Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
20) Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."
21) A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."