Oil Change Instructions - DFWstangs Forums
 
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post #1 of 9 (permalink) Old 03-25-2006, 07:16 AM Thread Starter
Rockin' da fumanchu
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: On the straight and narrow,stumbling at best, only by Gods grace.
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Oil Change Instructions

> > Oil Change instructions for Women:
> >
> > 1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since
> > the last oil change.
> > 2) Drink a cup of coffee.
> > 3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly
> > maintained vehicle.
> >
> > Money spent:
> > Oil Change $20.00
> > Coffee $1.00
> > Total $21.00
> > ================================================== ========
> >
> > Oil Change instructions for Men:
> >
> > 1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of
> > oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a
> > check for $50.00.
> > 2) Stop by 7-11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive
> >
home.
> > 3) Open a beer and drink it.
> > 4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
> > 5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
> > 6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
> > 7) Place drain pan under engine.
> > 8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
> > 9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
> > 10) Unscrew drain plug.
> > 11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in
> > process. Cuss.
> > 12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms.
> >
> > Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
> > 13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
> > 14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
> > 15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil
> > filter and twist off
> > 16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing
oil
> > everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in
> > trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
> > 17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish
> > oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener.
> > 18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change." Drag
> > pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole
> > in back yard instead of taking it back to Kragen to recycle.
> > 19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
> > 20) Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.
> > 21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
> > 22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to
> > gasket surface.
> > 23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
> > 24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
> > 25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain
pan.
> > 26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard,
> > along with drain plug.
> > 27) Drink beer
> > 28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily
> > dirt into hole. Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly cover
> > oily patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in
> > lawnmower gas.
> > 29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw
> > kitty litter on oil spill.
> > 30) Drink beer.
> > 31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with
> > oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench
> > tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
> > 32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
> > 33) Begin cussing fit.
> > 34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
> > 35) Cuss for additional
10 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
> >
> > 36) Beer.
> > 37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood
> > flow.
> > 38) Beer.
> > 39) Beer.
> > 40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
> > 41) Beer.
> > 42) Lower car from jack stands.
> > 43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.
> > 44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled
> > during steps 23 - 43.
> > 45) Beer.
> > 46) Test drive car.
> > 47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
> > 48) Car gets impounded.
> > 49) Call loving wife, make bail.
> > 50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
> >
> > Money spent:
> >
> > Parts $50.00
> > DUI $2500.00
> > Impound fee $75.00
> > Bail $1500.00

> > Beer $40.00
> > Total - - $4,165.00
> >
> > But you know the job was done right!





Listen to my buddy, Jeff Bolton, from 6-9 AM Mon-Fri.

Obamanomics = Trickle Up Poverty

Think you need to format/reinstall your OS(XP), read this first.
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post #2 of 9 (permalink) Old 03-25-2006, 07:25 AM
I might, im drunk.......
 
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eh
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post #3 of 9 (permalink) Old 03-25-2006, 08:13 AM
Punk Ass Newbie
 
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LMGDAO
that is sooo true. whoever wrote that nailed it down to every single detail.
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post #4 of 9 (permalink) Old 03-25-2006, 11:49 AM
Time Served
 
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lol
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post #5 of 9 (permalink) Old 03-26-2006, 04:15 AM
Formerly 5.0Vert
 
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i've had to use the screwdriver trick before, pretty messy

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post #6 of 9 (permalink) Old 03-26-2006, 07:07 AM Thread Starter
Rockin' da fumanchu
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 5.0Vert
i've had to use the screwdriver trick before, pretty messy
no shit, right.





Listen to my buddy, Jeff Bolton, from 6-9 AM Mon-Fri.

Obamanomics = Trickle Up Poverty

Think you need to format/reinstall your OS(XP), read this first.
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post #7 of 9 (permalink) Old 03-27-2006, 10:05 AM
Lifer
 
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Posts: 1,889
What's funny is when you put the new filter on and you tighten it to where you think it's tight enough........then the next change you're grabbing that filter and it wont come off and you're thinking, "WHO THE F_CK TIGHTENED THIS MOTHER F_CKER!!!!!!!!!!" and then you remember it was you.......
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post #8 of 9 (permalink) Old 03-27-2006, 11:48 AM
Lifer
 
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Posts: 1,107
Quote:
Originally Posted by 10sec302
What's funny is when you put the new filter on and you tighten it to where you think it's tight enough........then the next change you're grabbing that filter and it wont come off and you're thinking, "WHO THE F_CK TIGHTENED THIS MOTHER F_CKER!!!!!!!!!!" and then you remember it was you.......
holy crap soo true!!!!

97'chevy S-10 bagged and shaved. LSX/T-56 swap in the works
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post #9 of 9 (permalink) Old 03-28-2006, 04:07 PM
Lifer
 
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lmao

verry tru

why are divorces so expensive,,, because they are worth it, words to remeber by Willie NelsoN


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