1. "Fine" = This is the word women use at the end of
any argument when they feel they are right but can't
stand to hear you argue any longer. It means that you
should shut up. (NEVER use "fine" to describe how she
looks. This will cause you to have one of those
2. "Five minutes" = This is half an hour. It is
equivalent to the five minutes that your football game
is going to last before you take out the trash, so
women feel that it's an even trade.
3. "Nothing" = "Nothing" means something and you
should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to
describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn
you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing"
usually signifies an argument that will last "Five
Minutes" and end with the word "Fine."
4. "Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows) = This is NOT
permission; it's a dare. If you mistake it for
permission, the result will be the woman will get
upset over "Nothing" and you'll have a "five-minute"
discussion that will end with the word "Fine."
5. "Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows) = This is NOT
permission, either. It means "I give up" or "do what
you want because I don't care." You will get a raised
eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by
"Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about
"Five Minutes" when she cools off.
6. "Loud Sigh" = This is not actually a word, but is
still often a verbal statement. Very frequently
misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks
you are a complete idiot and wonders why she is
wasting her time standing here and arguing with you
7. "Soft Sigh" = Again, not a word, but a verbal
statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things
that some men actually understand. It means she is
momentarily content. Your best bet is to not move or
breathe in the hope that the moment will last a bit
8. "Oh" = This word -- followed by any statement -- is
trouble. Example: "Oh, let me get that". Or, "Oh, I
talked to him about what you were doing last night."
If she says "Oh" before a statement, run, do not walk,
to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is
"Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out the
window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at
least two days. ("Oh" as the lead to a sentence
usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not
try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get a
raised eyebrow "Go ahead," sometimes followed by acts
so unspeakable that I can't bring myself to write
9. "That's Okay" = This is one of the most dangerous
statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's
Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard
before deciding what the penalty will be for whatever
you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the
word "Fine" and in conjunction with a raised eyebrow
"Go Ahead." Once she has had time to plan it out, you
are in for some mighty big trouble.
10. "Please Do" = This is not a statement, it is an
offer. The woman is giving you the chance to come up
with an excuse for what you have done. In other words,
a chance to get yourself into even more trouble. If
you handle this correctly, you shouldn't get a "That's
11. "Thanks" = The woman is thanking you. Don't faint
and don't look for hidden meaning. Just say "you're
12. "Thanks A Lot" = "Thanks A Lot" is dramatically
different from "Thanks." A woman will say "Thanks A
Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It is
usually followed by the "Loud Sigh." This signifies
that you have hurt her in some callous way. Be careful
not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she
only tell you "Nothing."