Thoughts to ponder if you're bored... - DFWstangs Forums
 
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post #1 of 15 (permalink) Old 01-23-2002, 10:22 AM Thread Starter
TMA
 
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Arrow Thoughts to ponder if you're bored...

Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 a piece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards. NAIVE

Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

OK... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs", what does that make the Tennessee Titans ?

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?

There are three religious truths:

1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.

2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.

3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.

Imponderables:

1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

3. Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?

4. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

5. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

6. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

7. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your two cents in . . .what happens to the other penny?

8. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

10. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

11. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

12. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

13. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

14. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

15. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

16. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

17. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

18. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

19. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

20. I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they're cramming for their final exam.

21. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

22. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?


23. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

24. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

25. No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning.

26. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

27. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

28. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

29. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
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post #2 of 15 (permalink) Old 01-23-2002, 04:59 PM
yes, jluv
 
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I thought people from Poland were called Pollocks.
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post #3 of 15 (permalink) Old 01-23-2002, 05:36 PM
XL
 
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they are, its just poles is a diff way, like caling brit's wankers and such and so on
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post #4 of 15 (permalink) Old 01-23-2002, 07:05 PM
 
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Thumbs up

That's funny! It sounds like Geogre Carlin's humor.
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post #5 of 15 (permalink) Old 01-24-2002, 09:58 AM Thread Starter
TMA
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by laced dayquil
they are, its just poles is a diff way, like caling brit's wankers and such and so on
Yeah, what he said!
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post #6 of 15 (permalink) Old 01-24-2002, 11:07 AM
yes, jluv
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by TMA


Yeah, what he said!

Still never heard them called Poles.
Never heard of wankers either, though.
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post #7 of 15 (permalink) Old 01-24-2002, 11:16 AM
Merry HoHo
 
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how do you know when sour cream is bad?
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post #8 of 15 (permalink) Old 01-25-2002, 12:27 AM
Big Shot
 
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post #9 of 15 (permalink) Old 01-25-2002, 12:42 PM
XL
 
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i just realized, if you try to pronounce TMA it sounds like TIMMAY!!
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post #10 of 15 (permalink) Old 01-27-2002, 09:22 PM Thread Starter
TMA
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by laced dayquil
i just realized, if you try to pronounce TMA it sounds like TIMMAY!!
First Ryan, now you?
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post #11 of 15 (permalink) Old 01-27-2002, 10:42 PM
XL
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by TMA


First Ryan, now you?

omg he beat me?
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post #12 of 15 (permalink) Old 01-28-2002, 08:48 AM
Lifer
 
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why do they call it taking a crap?

shouldent it be leaving a crap.
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post #13 of 15 (permalink) Old 01-29-2002, 11:14 AM Thread Starter
TMA
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by laced dayquil



omg he beat me?
Yeah, he's been saying that since day one. Ryan is a cool guy.
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post #14 of 15 (permalink) Old 01-29-2002, 04:14 PM
The Alpha Omega Frog
 
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LOL...some pretty good stuff. I especially like the Evian water one.

Karen
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post #15 of 15 (permalink) Old 01-29-2002, 04:53 PM
tex
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Thats cause you got caught.
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