We are sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people in the South are.
We challenge any so-called smart Yankee to take this exam administered by the
Southern States Professional Engineer Licensing Department:
1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will
support a 10-pound possum.
2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in
your front yard? A '65 Ford Fairlane, a '69 Chevrolet, a '67 Chevelle, or
'64 Pontiac GTO.
3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity of 20 gallons
of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the
4. A woodcutter has a chain saw that operates at 2700 RPM. The density of
the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3
acres in size.
The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweisers will be
drunk before the trees are cut down?
5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12
simultaneously, what would be the percentage decrease in the ozone layer?
6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a
field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The
porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?
7. A man owns a Tennessee house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an
average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown
children put a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for
their electric appliances to sit out front?
8 A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 9000 yards down a steep slope
on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic
conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle
with a muffler?
9. A coal mine operates in a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The
mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning
of the 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during
10. At a reduction in the gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per
generation, how long will it take a town that has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a country-western singer?