Darwin Awards are out for 2004
> >>Darwin Awards are out for 2004.....
> >>Yes, these are all true. They are finally out again. It's an annual
> >>honor given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest service
> >>killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way.
> >>Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine
> >>toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda
> >>of it.
> >>And the nominees this year in reverse order are:
> >>7. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk
> >>because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline
> >>milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he
> >>into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire
> >>burned his house down killing both him and his sister.
> >>6. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home
> >>of suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6' 2"
> >>weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra,
> >>white saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was
> >>create a schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a military
> >>mask that had the filter canister removed and a rubber hose
> >>its place. The other end of the hose was connected to one end of a
> >>hollow tube approx. 12" long and 3" in diameter. The tube's other
> >>was inserted into his rectum for reasons unknown, and was the cause
> >>his suffocation. Police found the task of explaining the
> >>of his death to his family very awkward.
> >>5. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low
> >>when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon
> >>occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own
> >>and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their
> >>around their ankles.
> >>4. A 22-year-old, Glade Drive, Reston, VA, man was found dead after
> >>tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70 foot railroad
> >>trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food
> >>taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped one end around one
> >>anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped
> >>hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said
> >>investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found
> >>"The length of the cord that he assembled was greater than the
> >>between the trestle and the ground" Carmichael said. Police say the
> >>apparent cause of death was "Major trauma."
> >>3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he
> >>friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as ball.
> >>friend, no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate, was
> >>2. Employees in a medium sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the
> >>smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building,
> >>extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power,
> >>After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas
> >>company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found
> >>had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none
> >>lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the
> >>technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that
> >>resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like
> >>object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up
> >>three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the
> >>was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected
> >>causing the blast had never been thought of as 'bright' by his
> >>AND THE WINNER.....
> >>1. Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt
> >>tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf
> >>Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix,
> >>managed to straddle the ball washer and dangle his scrotum in the
> >>machine. Much to his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by
> >>spinning the crank on the machine with Sanchez's scrotum in place,
> >>wedging them solidly in the mechanism. Sanchez, who immediately
> >>his threshold of pain, collapsed and tumbled from his perch.
> >>Unfortunately for Sanchez, the height of the ball washer was more
> >>A foot higher off the ground than his testicles are in a normal
> >>and the scrotum was the weakest link. Sanchez's scrotum was ripped
> >>during the fall, and one testicle was plucked from him forever and
> >>remained in the ball washer, while the other testicle was
> >>flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the washer, and
> >>rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury, Sanchez broke a
> >>$300.00 driver that he had just purchased from the pro shop, and
> >>using to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the hospital for
> >>surgery, and the remaining threesome was asked to leave the course.
> >>This last one wouldn't normally count, because the idiot didn't
> >>But because he cannot reproduce as a result of his qualifying act
> >>stupidity, we have allowed it.
> >>"To think is easy. To act is hard. But the hardest thing in the
> >>is to act in accordance with your thinking." - Goethe