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post #1 of 10 (permalink) Old 06-14-2004, 11:20 AM Thread Starter
Merry HoHo
 
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types of &%[email protected]

the Ghost Shit - That's the kind where you feel the shit come out, have shit on the toilet paper, but there's no shit in the toilet

the Clean Shit - The kind where you shit it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper

the Wet Shit - The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwipped so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you don't ruin them with a brown stain

the Second Wave Shit - It happens when you're done shitting, you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realise that you have to shit some more

the Brain Hemorrhage Through Your Nose Shit or the Pop A Vein In Your Forehead Shit - The kind where you strain so much to get it out that you practically have a stroke

the Corn Shit - Self-explanatory

the Lincoln Log Shit - The kind of shit that is so huge that you're afraid to flush the toilet without breaking it into a few pieces with your toilet brush

the Drinker's Shit - That is the kind of shit you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the tread marks left on the bottom of the toilet

the 'Gee, I Wish I Could Shit,' Shit - It's the kind where you want to shit, but all you can do is sit on the toilet cramped, and fart a few times

the Spinal Tap Shit - That's the kind where it hurts so much coming out that you swear it was leaving you sideways

the Wet Cheeks Shit or the Power Dump - That's the kind that comes out of your ass so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water

the Quad Shit - That's the kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt, splatters all over the inside of the toiletbowl, the whole time, chronically burning your tender anus

the Mexican Food Shit - A class all of its own

the Ottoman Shit - The kind where the odour of the mess creeps out of the restroom and throughout the building to make the entire building sick or near evacuation. (This has been noted to happen in several bowling alleys in the past few years especially.)

the Crowd Pleaser - This shit is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have to show it to someone before flushing

the Mood Enhancer - This shit occurs after a lengthy period of constipation, thereby allowing you to be your old self again

the Ritual - This shit occurs at the same time each day and is accomplished with the aid of a newspaper

the Guiness Book of Records Shit - A shit so noteworthy it should be recorded for future generations

the Aftershock Shit - This shit has an odour so powerful than anyone entering the vicinity within the next 7 hours is affected

the 'Honeymoon's Over' Shit - This is any shit created in the presence of another person

the Groaner - A shit so huge it cannot exit without vocal assistance

the Floater - Characterised by its floatability, this shit has been known to resurface after many flushings

the Ranger - A shit which refuses to let go. It is usually necessary to engage in a rocking or bouncing motion, but quite often the only solution is to push it away with a small piece of toilet paper

the Phantom Shit - This appears in the toilet mysteriously and no one will admit to putting it there

the Peek-A-Boo Shit - Now you see it, now you don't. This shit is playing games with you. Requires patience and muscle control

the Bombshell - A shit that comes as a complete surprise at a time that is either inappropriate to shit (i.e. during lovemaking or a root canal) or you are nowhere near shitting facilities

the Snake Charmer - A long skinny shit which has managed to coil itself into a frightening position - usually harmless

the Olympic Shit - This shit occurs exactly one hour prior to the start of any competitive event in which you are entered and bears a close resemblance to the Drinker's Shit

the Back-to-Nature Shit - This shit may be of any variety but is always deposited either in the woods or while hiding behind the passenger side of your car

the Pebbles-From-Heaven Shit - An adorable collection of small turds in a cluster, often a gift from God when you actually CAN'T shit

Premeditated Shit - Laxative induced. Doesn't count

Shitzophrenia - Fear of shitting - can be fatal!

Energizer vs. Duracell Shit - Also known as a "Still Going" shit

the Power Dump Shit - The kind that comes out so fast, you barely get your pants down when you're done

the Liquid Plumber Shit - This kind of shit is so big it plugs up the toilet and it overflows all over the floor. (You should have followed the advice from the Lincoln Log Shit.)

the 'I Think I'm Giving Birth Through My Asshole' Shit - Similar to the Lincoln Log and The Spinal Tap Shits. The shape and size of the turd resembles a tall boy beer can. Vacuous air space remains in the rectum for some time afterwards

the Poridge Shit - The type that comes out like toothpaste, and just keeps on coming. You have two choices: (a) flush and keep going, or (b) risk it piling up to your butt while you sit there helpless

the 'I'm Going To Chew My Food Better' Shit - When the bag of Doritos you ate last night lacerates the insides of your rectum on the way out in the morning

the 'I Think I'm Turning Into A Bunny' Shit - When you drop lots of cute, little round ones that look like marbles and make tiny splashing sounds when they hit the water

the 'What The Hell Died In Here?' Shit - Also sometimes referred to as The Toxic Dump. Of course you don't warn anyone of the poisonous bathroom odour. Instead, you stand innocently near the door and enjoy the show as they run out gaggin and gasping for air

the 'I Just Know There's A Turd Still Dangling There' Shit - Where you just sit there patiently and wait for the last cling-on to drop off because if you wipe now, it's going to smear all over the place

the 'Turbo-Charger' Shit - You're sitting there, minding your business, so to speak, thinking everything is normal, and suddenly there is a totally unexpected, yet full and robust passing of wind, followed by more, perfectly normal shit. This typically results in a completely soaked behind

the Flock of Seagulls Shit - You drank some very yeasty beer the night before, you're driving along the only stretch of freeway with no service station for the next 50kms, you skid to a halt when you get there, drop your pants on your way in to the trap, and there's an immediate explosion, followed by the realisation that there's a new mottled wall-paper on the wall behind the bowl

Jack the Ripper Shit - The kinda shit that rips the hair outa you ass when it comes out

the Frightened Turtle Shit - The kinda shit that pokes its head outa your asshole and then shoots right back into your ass

.(OBAMA) One Big Ass Mistake America
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post #2 of 10 (permalink) Old 06-14-2004, 11:24 AM
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LOL! Haven't had a good shit thread in a while
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post #3 of 10 (permalink) Old 06-14-2004, 11:31 AM
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Nice list, I have 2 more that were omitted.

The Lochness Monster- A turd so large, one of the ends stick up out of the water in the bowl.

Loop 820 - A turd that wraps around the inside perimeter of the bowl.
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post #4 of 10 (permalink) Old 06-14-2004, 11:36 AM
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Re: types of &%[email protected]

Quote:
Originally posted by SNEAKY
the Wet Cheeks Shit or the Power Dump - That's the kind that comes out of your ass so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water

also known as the Ass Splasher.

Chuck
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post #5 of 10 (permalink) Old 06-14-2004, 11:38 AM
Lifer
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by cool cat


The Lochness Monster- A turd so large, one of the ends stick up out of the water in the bowl.

LMFAO!
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post #6 of 10 (permalink) Old 06-14-2004, 11:45 AM
P1
 
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there are no words to explain how hard im laughing

Oh! A phoneg is ringin....
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post #7 of 10 (permalink) Old 06-14-2004, 01:09 PM Thread Starter
Merry HoHo
 
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Wink

who moved my shit

this is no laughing matter

i feel as if i have been dumped on

no i feel a piece of used tiolet paper

.(OBAMA) One Big Ass Mistake America
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post #8 of 10 (permalink) Old 06-15-2004, 06:18 AM
My sh*t don't stink
 
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Re: types of &%[email protected]

Quote:
Originally posted by SNEAKY
the Brain Hemorrhage Through Your Nose Shit or the Pop A Vein In Your Forehead Shit - The kind where you strain so much to get it out that you practically have a stroke
This is the shit that killed Elvis!

LMFAO!!
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post #9 of 10 (permalink) Old 06-15-2004, 07:24 AM Thread Starter
Merry HoHo
 
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Re: Re: types of &%[email protected]

Quote:
Originally posted by Old Fart
This is the shit that killed Elvis!

LMFAO!!
he ain't dead, you old fart

.(OBAMA) One Big Ass Mistake America
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post #10 of 10 (permalink) Old 06-15-2004, 09:54 AM
My sh*t don't stink
 
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Re: Re: Re: types of &%[email protected]

Quote:
Originally posted by SNEAKY
he ain't dead, you old fart
LOL

I know, he rents a room from me, but I have to keep up the charade.

Wag more, Bark less.
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