How old am I?
A middle aged woman spends $5000 for a face lift and feels pretty good about herself. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 32," was the reply.
"I'm exactly 47, " the woman says happily.
A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question.
She replies, "I guess maybe... about 29?"
The woman replies, "Nope, I'm 47."
Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question.
The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say... 30."
Again she proudly responds, "I am 47, but thank you."
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man the same question.
He replies, "Lady, I'm sorry, I'm 78 and my eyesight is not so good. Although..., when I was young, there was a sure fire way to tell how old a lady was. It may sound a little forward, but it requires me put my hands under your bra. I could then tell you exactly how old you are."
They waited in silence on the empty street until curiosity got the best of her.
She finally blurts out, "Oh what the hell, go ahead."
He slips both of his hands under her blouse and inside her bra and begins to feel around very slowly, very carefully. He Lifts one breast then the other and holds each and touches and caresses each breast...
After a couple of minutes, she said, "Okay, okay,... that's enough, how old am I ?"
He completes one last squeeze and removes his hands, "Madam, you are exactly 47 years old."
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible,... how did you know?"
He replied, "I was in line behind you at McDonald's."