You might be a ricer if. . . . - DFWstangs Forums
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post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 04-09-2004, 05:19 PM Thread Starter
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Kayte's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: KELLER
Posts: 869
You might be a ricer if. . . .

You might be a ricer if...
- you need a yardstick to measure your spoiler.
- you've ever used a blue magic marker to color your headlight bulbs.
- you recorded a neighbor's corvette revving, and you play the tape full blast at redlights.
- weed eaters chase you down trying to mate with your car.
- you think red and yellow match.
- you have Japanese stickers on your VW/neon/cavalier, etc.
- you think time slips are what you get when you clock out at McDonald's.
- neighborhood strays sleep in your exhaust tips.
- your air filter drags the ground (i.e. iceman).
- you have a kia with numbers shoe-polished on the windows.
- you have no hood on your car.
- you could only afford a half pint of PPG chromallusion flip-flop pearl, so you just had the hood sprayed.
- you have stick on hood pins.
- you have stick on anything.
- you have primered ground effects and a painted car.
- you have 2 or more shades of primer on your car.
- you try to race in bumper to bumper traffic.
- you think mustangs are fast.
- you come to the track with a carbon fiber hood, alloy tuner wheels, no bumpers, only a plastic driver's seat, but a 300 pound speaker box in the hatchback.
- you have a zigzag antenna.
- you think people like your car and they don't.
- you think plastic intercoolers on a Hyundai fools anyone.
- you have $2000 Ground FX and a $200 car.
- you spray paint your hood black to make it look like carbon fiber.
- your wheels hang out 6 to 12 inch from your wheel wells.
- those wheels are 6 to 8 inch in diameter w/ gold and chrome plated.
- you cut your springs.
- you lean so far to the left that you can look our your back window and your chin rest on the door.
- you put fake badges on your car.
- you think economy cars are the shit.
- your car's panel are all different colors from add-ons.
- you have Japanese/Korean lettering all over your car.
- you put Lamborghini style doors on you CIVIC.
- you have V-TEC on your Ford Escort, Neon, and Cavalier.
- your windshield banner is so big you can only see just over the steering wheel.
- the inside of your car glows so bright at night that you look like your are all green or blue.
- you have the word VTEC in bold letters and Highlighted.
- you think VTEC is fast.
- you have 14" inch rims
- you have a spoiler longer than your car's length.
- you here farting noises coming from your exhaust.
- you pump up your speakers to overcome the noise of your exhaust.
- you have a disco club inside your car.
- you think HP stands for Honda Prelude.
- you have a boost gauge mounted in your car and no turbo.
- your exhaust pipe is bigger than your house.
- anything extra you put on your car is worth more than the car itself.
- your spoiler is taller than your car when its on the ground.
- your Tach will gauge more than twice as much rpm as your engine will produce
- you mount ground effects with woodscrews
- you make ground effects with sheet aluminum
- your F1 style spoiler is more adjustable than your seat
- you have chrome wheel covers with built in fake cross-drilled rotors
- you have NOS on your windshield, but not on your engine
- you have Mugen stickers, but no Honda/Acura
- you use badging off of a completely different make of car on your car
- you have so many fluorescent colors on your car it glows in the dark
- you colored in your accessories with a magic marker
- your interior is totally yellow or totally red
- you have stickers larger than your side window
- you have a large sticker of a Japanese cartoon character prominently placed on your car.
- you put your automatic car in neutral and roll back at lights to make it look like you have a manual.
- when you shop for an exhaust system for you car, you bring a Folgers can with you to compare size.
- your mod list includes stickers for 20 aftermarket companies, but the only "performance" part you have on your car is that 5in Autometer tach.
- your lighted 5in autometetach isn't really hooked up (but the backlight is)
- you have an SAFC hooked up to your carbureted Toyota Corolla
- you have to wear sunglasses at night (from all the cheap indiglo you can't dim because you didn't install it right)
- you put credit cards so they hit the spokes of your 100 spoke wheels so it makes that "cool noise we all made on our bikes as kids"
- you install a turbo on your car, with no innards
- you have friends "steal" your interior so you can get insurance money for it, and buy aftermarket racing seats and a chrome fire extinguisher... and gas for a couple months.
- you put fender flares and wider tires in the rear of your car... when it's FWD.
- you can only take your girlfriend to mc'ds... since you blew all your money on your 20" tires that you have to keep replacing, since your car cannot be aligned because it's too low to the ground. (heard of that from one of my friends)
- you have excessive debt on your credit cards for car mod expenditures... and you can still not get out of the 15 sec range!
- you use AOL, AND TYPE IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS... and don't know any better.
- you buy an Acura hood ornament and flip it over so your Honda has a really cool H.
- you put an ENORMOUS Honda "H" on your back windshield.
- you put an ENORMOUS "V-TECH" (sic) sticker across your front windshield.
- you install a short-throw shifter on an automatic trans.
- you install hydraulics to raise your car in case you encounter a speed bump.
- you have more than two different shades of tint on your car.
- when shopping a junkyard for parts for your Honda you find a wrecked Supra and yell, "Jackpot!"
- you have a "Powered by Acura" sticker on your car.
- you put a Type R emblem on a car that it does not belong on.
- you have a big shift light on an automatic.
- you can only afford the 2 rear aftermarket wheels and keep the factory "slicks" with hubcaps up front.
- you paint a fire extinguisher Krylon blue and put a NOS sticker on it.
- you get clear tails and put red tape back on so you can have just clear turns.
- your shift light is bigger then your Mag-Lite.
- your rear end looks exactly like your front end.
- you have glue-on hood pins.
- Dragon Ball Z seems to be your sponsor.
- someone mistakes your car for the Truly Nolan rodent car.
- you start pulling people over with your lights.
- you brag about beating a Mustang V-6, 1979.
- you drive around with your racing helmet.
- you need a fire extinguisher in your car.
- you think that every sticker you put on your car adds at least 2 HP.
- whenever a bee flies around your head, you think a vtec Honda is coming.
- you run 12's... in the 1/8.
- you have racing harnesses in a 15 second car.
- your racing harnesses aren't bolted down.
- you can't afford the center caps to go with your wheels.
- you drive around in 1st gear to make everyone notice your car.
- you can't tell when your ultra-low-profile tire is flat.
- you have static cling decals that you put on your mom's 4dr civic and remove at the end of the night.
- you have glitter tint or mirror tint.
- you race with 4 people in your car.
- you do a water burnout at the track on street tires.
- you have a "calvin peeing on..." sticker.
- you think your Saturn is fast.
- you think any classic car is a slow, heavy boat.
- you replaced your windows with plastic wrap.
- you have no carpet in your CRX.
- you wear a 3lb figaro chain on your neck.
- you think your mom's Expedition is "phat, yo" or "the bomb, yo".
- you say "yo" after every sentence, yo.
- your car looks like a cartoon.
- you hang out at a speed shop, but never buy anything and have a slow car.
- you claim every speed shop/tint shop is owned by "my boy".
- you wear a visor.
- you and your friend can both fit in your pants.
- you purposely hit every water puddle so you can spin your tires.
- your dream car is a vtec civic.
- you think Honda del sol's are exotics.
- you make a chirping noise every time you get out of your car, so people think you have an alarm.
- your alarm is the most expensive think in your car.
- you set your alarm off on purpose to get attention.
- you drive slumped down with your head by the door panel.
- you are offended at any of this.
- you've ever asked an auto parts shop "can you order this in ABS plastic instead of stainless steel?"
- you've ever asked "Do you have one of these that don't work, you know, just for looks?"
- you've ever said, "I don't know, I bet it will look better after I paint it neon green and glue it to my car"
- you laugh at people who've got two wipers.
- you run the slowest time at the track and still got something like "2eXtream or Street Speed" on your window.
- you paint over all your chrome, then chrome your gas cap.
- you paint body panels so they don't match, cause it looks bada$$.
- you've ever glued on any thing to your engine block.
- you have things like "1.5 Liter 8 valve" logos custom made.
- you put wheelie bars on a front wheel drive.
- you've ever hook up a hair-dryer to your intake.
- you cut your tags out your clothes to reduce weight, but then sew on patches.
- you refer to everything as "Level 3" or "Phase 4" when it's not, like I have a Level 4 braking upgrade.
- you laugh at people who drive American cars.
- you think hood roof scoops help air dynamics.
- you have a custom intake and a hood scoop/cowl that work against each other.
- you custom mount a bigger alternator to run your neon lights
- you get invited to drive your car in the Christmas light parade.
- you've got more invested in stickers then your engine.
- you suicide the back hatch on your hatchback.
- you've hooked a megaphone up to your exhaust.
- your car breaks, and people ask why you're not driving it, you say "I turned it into a trailer show car"
- you dream about owning a gas-electric hybrid.
- your 0-60 is several slower then your 60-0.
- you think your car gets it's own class at the tracks because of it's "Level 6 Exhaust upgrade"
- you tell people the smoke from your engine if coming from the tires.
- you ever ordered a part to get the sticker then sent the part back.
- you never gas up, you just ad various boosters and additives.
- you have no idea what "lead additive is" and think it will boost performance.
- you can't afford NOS, so you order a propane tank set up and try to have it filed with NOS
- you can't afford NOS, but you have no-functional switches labeled NOS, and when you press it you downshift and floor it to fool passengers.
- you cut out 5 lbs of metal from the floorboard, and replace it with a 3lb metal plate, and swear it gave you a quarter second at the track.
- you try to talk to real hot rod guys and they laugh in your face.
- you've ever chose a color because you said "It's lighter then black would be"
- you've ever faked engine trouble to get people to notice your chromed or goldened out engine.
- you've got a Playstation hooked up to your LCD display, right next to your nonfunctional TACH.
- you set your tack to 8 cycs on a four cyl car so it will look like your rev higher RPM.
- you talk about people grinding gears, when you have an automatic.
- you change your shifter, and ad a cloth boot, so people think it's a standard.
- your tires rub when your get more then 3 people in the car.
- you and your homeboys watch fast and the furious more then once a day.
- you quit your job to deliver pizza so you'll have more time to drive.
- you refer to your OEM gas tank as a "Fuel Cell"
- have an intercooler hooked up to nothing.
- you salvage heater cores from the junkyard, paint them chrome, and ad them on as fake intercoolers.
- you can ad all the neons and speakers but you have to have it put in the shop for a thermostat.
- you try to euro out NON-Euro cars, like an AMC eagle.
- you spray-paint your headlights blue.
- you car rides so low you can't clear to enter most parking lots.
- need a skid plate, so you custom make one, out of plastic!
- you make twinkie (airbag) sounds when you get you're car.
- you put a 500 dollar alarm on a 300 dollar car.
- letting someone drive your car requires more then 10 minuets of explaining how to drive it.
- you got more switches and dials and lights then a 747 instrument panels.
- you'd like to try to retrofit a 747 instrument panel.
- you wish APC would make Fake Fiberglass Rocket/Jet Engines.
- you get pulled over by the cops for blinding people trying to sleep, indoors with the curtain drawn.
- you get pulled over for loud radio or street racing , and the cop lets you go cause he feels sorry for you.
- you're proud to admit you'd rather have a Civic then a Chevelle.
- you take out OEM components, and replace them with cheep plastic versions that don't work as well.
- you take your GEO Metro to the track.
- you have no steel left in your car.
- you have a custom pulley system on your side mounted engine.
- you look under a hot-rod hood and wonder way it's not mounted sideways.
- you think the weight reduction from only have 4 cyls makes up for the power lost for not having 8.
- you have a fiberglass block.
- you have a steel seat, and steel floor mats, but an all fiberglass car.
- you have tinted Plexiglas.
- you think a Deuce-Coupe is a 2 cylinder mini-cooper.
- you want to own a 2 cylinder mini-cooper.
- you think a Corvette would look cool with four doors and a back hatch.
- you think your 2.0 mustang is faster then any small block Chevy.
- you think your 5.0 mustang is faster then any big block Chevy.
- you put a Japanese flag on the antenna of your dodge neon.
- you put dual neon non-functional antennas, and then hook your stereo up to a hidden antenna with bad reception.
- you've got a police scanner hooked up to an amp and subs.
- you turn your subs to face the back and swear this helps your 0 to 60.
- you lie about you quarter of a mile time to pick up chicks.
And the number one sign you're a ricer and not a real hot-rodder:
-You drive across town at night, and the reports of UFO sightings make the news again.
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post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 04-13-2004, 07:40 PM
I miss Colorado
HarrisonBT's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Waco (Elm Mott)
Posts: 2,310

Holy crap.
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post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 04-14-2004, 02:14 PM
At least it sounds fast
TrueBlueGT's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: In hiding again
Posts: 4,752
damn, I have to come back later if i want to finish reading that.
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post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 04-18-2004, 09:57 PM
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 254
whats with the one that says --if you think mustangs are fast?
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post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 04-18-2004, 10:08 PM
Target Practice
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Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Sittin on 3 stacks of high society
Posts: 3,005
Cool. Now I have a reading for every day of the year.

White Hot Media
The Standard Issue <-RIP
SJB 3.29.85-1.24.08
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