The Perfect Divorce Letter - DFWstangs Forums
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
post #1 of 18 (permalink) Old 04-05-2004, 03:44 PM Thread Starter
Time Served
 
Kayte's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: KELLER
Posts: 869
The Perfect Divorce Letter

Sorry its long:


Dear Connie,

I know the counselor said we shouldn't contact each other during our "cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you left, I swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that.

But now I see that my pride's cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us does.

Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is what my heart says: "There's no one like you, Connie." I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not even close.

Two weeks ago, I met this girl at Flamingos and brought her home with me. I don't say this to hurtyou, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation.

She was young, maybe 19; with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect body. Tits like you wouldn't believe and an ass that just wouldn't quit. Every man's dream, right? But as Isat on the couch being blown by this stunner, I thought, look at the stuff we've made important in our lives. It's all so superficial.

What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes, but you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Connie? I doubt it. And I'd never really thought of that before.

I don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little. Later, after I'd tossed her about a half a pint of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking, "Why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else. Some nagging feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me. It didn't feel the same because you weren't there to watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you. Jesus, Connie, I'm just going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds me of you.

Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met at the Holiday Inn lounge last year? Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagna. She said she figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what she meant till later, but that's not the real story.

Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know, we're banging away in our old bedroom. And this tart's a total monster in the sack. She's giving me everything, you know, like a real woman does when she's not hung up about her weight or her career and whether the kids can hear us. And all of a sudden, she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother's old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes me sad, too. Cause I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Connie ever put the mirror on the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never used it as a sex toy."

Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean, Vicky's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders and she's been a real friend to me during this painful time. She's given me lots of good advice about you and about women in general. She's pulling for us to get back together, Connie, she really is. So we're doing Jell-O shots in a hot bubble bath and talking about happier times. Here's this teenage girl with the same DNA as you and all I can do is think of how much she lo oked like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me cry.

And then it turns out Vicky's really into the whole anal thing, that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fueled some of the bitterness between us. But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside your baby sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you?

It's true, Connie. In your heart you must know it. Don't you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances away and start fresh? I think we can.

If you feel the same please, please, please let me know. Otherwise, can you let me know where the f---ing remote is.

Love,

Dan.
Kayte is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 18 (permalink) Old 04-05-2004, 03:49 PM
Ted
Opulance. I has it.
 
Ted's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Las Irving
Posts: 13,034
Thumbs up

lmfao
Ted is offline  
post #3 of 18 (permalink) Old 04-05-2004, 03:51 PM
Old School
 
TRAXX's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2000
Posts: 4,684
Thumbs up

Greatness!

Trevor
White 93 Hatch with some stuff done to it. whistles innocently
TRAXX is offline  
 
post #4 of 18 (permalink) Old 04-05-2004, 05:57 PM
Time Served
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Arlington
Posts: 350
Thumbs up

Thats Good
ggraeber is offline  
post #5 of 18 (permalink) Old 04-05-2004, 06:11 PM
Goblin King of Fort Worth
 
Fordblue625's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Fort Worth
Posts: 3,235
I'll be saying throat yogurt all week!
Fordblue625 is offline  
post #6 of 18 (permalink) Old 04-06-2004, 10:05 AM
Time Served
 
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 796
that is awesome!
BlackCrow is offline  
post #7 of 18 (permalink) Old 04-06-2004, 03:27 PM
f-ck off
 
2fast4u's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: under a bridge downtown
Posts: 2,002
re

LMAO!!!!

COOLCOOL

please visit
WWW.KRENNPOWERSPORTS.COM
for all your pwc needs
2fast4u is offline  
post #8 of 18 (permalink) Old 05-01-2004, 01:20 AM
Lifer
 
mike89lx's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: raider nation
Posts: 1,716
Talking

That was great....
mike89lx is offline  
post #9 of 18 (permalink) Old 05-02-2004, 03:26 PM
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 25
lmao! That was good
nancy is offline  
post #10 of 18 (permalink) Old 05-02-2004, 08:12 PM
Time Served
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: mesquite
Posts: 370
That guy is the man!!!!!!!
red89notch is offline  
post #11 of 18 (permalink) Old 05-07-2004, 01:34 AM
Rolling the one fiddy.
 
FoMoCoDriver's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: OC Sucka
Posts: 1,633
LMFAO .. Good stuff!
FoMoCoDriver is offline  
post #12 of 18 (permalink) Old 05-07-2004, 04:59 AM
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 2,440
I almost feel liberated...
dan2600 is offline  
post #13 of 18 (permalink) Old 05-07-2004, 09:16 AM
Honda God
 
Grim Reaper's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Taintville,USA
Posts: 1,941
Nice, cinnamon ring!

"If its going to be that type of party, I'm sticking my dick in the mashed potatoes."

Lover of Mustangs and Master of Hondas
Grim Reaper is offline  
post #14 of 18 (permalink) Old 05-07-2004, 01:47 PM
Racist....that means you!
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Posts: 20,645
(voice of butthead)-"That was the greatest thing I have ever read."
Jester is offline  
post #15 of 18 (permalink) Old 05-10-2004, 08:39 PM
UFO Club Member
 
must"have"ang's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Saginasty
Posts: 1,527
That.........was AWESOME!!!
must"have"ang is offline  
post #16 of 18 (permalink) Old 05-15-2004, 01:17 PM
The Mexican
 
Drs2288's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Fort Worth
Posts: 2,906
LOL , that kicked ass
Drs2288 is offline  
post #17 of 18 (permalink) Old 05-16-2004, 06:25 PM
A+
would read again
 
A+'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Girlswithoutweinersville, Tx
Posts: 6,886
great!!!you found my letter

***TrueStreet cars run A/C***
"I JUST WANT TO BE A DOPER PERSON WHICH STARTS WITH ME NOT ALWAYS TELLING PEOPLE HOW DOPE I THINK I AM," -kanye west

Parting out a GT? lmk!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by davbrucas View Post
Does it make me gay if I stick my finger in another mans ass on a daily basis?
A+ is offline  
post #18 of 18 (permalink) Old 05-17-2004, 12:40 AM
Lifer
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: dallas-pleasant grove
Posts: 1,060
Quote:
Originally posted by Teds03gt
lmfao
omar is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Bookmarks

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on the DFWstangs Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in










Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Linear Mode



Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome