Interesting (long) - DFWstangs Forums
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
post #1 of 13 (permalink) Old 03-24-2004, 03:33 AM Thread Starter
Time Served
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: mesquite
Posts: 619
Interesting (long)

This is an old story called "Kissing Hank's Ass".

----------------------------------------------------------

John: "Hi! I'm John, and this is Mary."

Mary: Hi! We're here to invite you to come kiss Hank's ass with us."

Me: "Pardon me?! What are you talking about? Who's Hank, and why would I want to kiss His ass?"

John: "If you kiss Hank's ass, He'll give you a million dollars; and if you don't, He'll kick the shit out of you."

Me: "What? Is this some sort of bizarre mob shake-down?"

John: "Hank is a billionaire philanthropist. Hank built this town. Hank owns this town. He can do whatever He wants, and what He wants is to give you a million dollars, but He can't until you kiss His ass."

Me: "That doesn't make any sense. Why..."

Mary: "Who are you to question Hank's gift? Don't you want a million dollars? Isn't it worth a little kiss on the ass?"

Me: "Well maybe, if it's legit, but..."

John: "Then come kiss Hank's ass with us."

Me: "Do you kiss Hank's ass often?"

Mary: "Oh yes, all the time..."

Me: "And has He given you a million dollars?"

John: "Well no. You don't actually get the money until you leave town."

Me: "So why don't you just leave town now?"

Mary: "You can't leave until Hank tells you to, or you don't get the money, and He kicks the shit out of you."

Me: "Do you know anyone who kissed Hank's ass, left town, and got the million dollars?"

John: "My mother kissed Hank's ass for years. She left town last year, and I'm sure she got the money."

Me: "Haven't you talked to her since then?"

John: "Of course not, Hank doesn't allow it."

Me: "So what makes you think He'll actually give you the money if you've never talked to anyone who got the money?"

Mary: "Well, He gives you a little bit before you leave. Maybe you'll get a raise, maybe you'll win a small lotto, maybe you'll just find a twenty-dollar bill on the street."

Me: "What's that got to do with Hank?"

John: "Hank has certain 'connections.'"

Me: "I'm sorry, but this sounds like some sort of bizarre con game."

John: "But it's a million dollars, can you really take the chance? And remember, if you don't kiss Hank's ass He'll kick the shit out of you."

Me: "Maybe if I could see Hank, talk to Him, get the details straight from Him..."

Mary: "No one sees Hank, no one talks to Hank."

Me: "Then how do you kiss His ass?"

John: "Sometimes we just blow Him a kiss, and think of His ass. Other times we kiss Karl's ass, and he passes it on."

Me: "Who's Karl?"

Mary: "A friend of ours. He's the one who taught us all about kissing Hank's ass. All we had to do was take him out to dinner a few times."

Me: "And you just took his word for it when he said there was a Hank, that Hank wanted you to kiss His ass, and that Hank would reward you?"

John: "Oh no! Karl has a letter he got from Hank years ago explaining the whole thing. Here's a copy; see for yourself."

(Quote

From the desk of Karl

-Kiss Hank's ass and He'll give you a million dollars when you leave town.
-Use alcohol in moderation.
-Kick the shit out of people who aren't like you.
-Eat right.
-Hank dictated this list Himself.
-The moon is made of green cheese.
-Everything Hank says is right.
-Wash your hands after going to the bathroom.
-Don't use alcohol.
-Eat your wieners on buns, no condiments.
-Kiss Hank's ass or He'll kick the shit out of you.



Me: "This appears to be written on Karl's letterhead."

Mary: "Hank didn't have any paper."

Me: "I have a hunch that if we checked we'd find this is Karl's handwriting."

John: "Of course, Hank dictated it."

Me: "I thought you said no one gets to see Hank?"

Mary: "Not now, but years ago He would talk to some people."

Me: "I thought you said He was a philanthropist. What sort of philanthropist kicks the shit out of people just because they're different?"

Mary: "It's what Hank wants, and Hank's always right."

Me: "How do you figure that?"

Mary: "Item 7 says 'Everything Hank says is right.' That's good enough for me!"

Me: "Maybe your friend Karl just made the whole thing up."

John: "No way! Item 5 says 'Hank dictated this list himself.' Besides, item 2 says 'Use alcohol in moderation,' Item 4 says 'Eat right,' and item 8 says 'Wash your hands after going to the bathroom.' Everyone knows those things are right, so the rest must be true, too."

Me: "But 9 says 'Don't use alcohol.' which doesn't quite go with item 2, and 6 says 'The moon is made of green cheese,' which is just plain wrong."

John: "There's no contradiction between 9 and 2, 9 just clarifies 2. As far as 6 goes, you've never been to the moon, so you can't say for sure."

Me: "Scientists have pretty firmly established that the moon is made of rock..."

Mary: "But they don't know if the rock came from the Earth, or from out of space, so it could just as easily be green cheese."

Me: "I'm not really an expert, but I think the theory that the Moon was somehow 'captured' by the Earth has been discounted. Besides, not knowing where the rock came from doesn't make it cheese."

John: "Ha! You just admitted that scientists make mistakes, but we know Hank is always right!"

Me: "We do?"

Mary: "Of course we do, Item 7 says so."

Me: "You're saying Hank's always right because the list says so, the list is right because Hank dictated it, and we know that Hank dictated it because the list says so. That's circular logic, no different than saying 'Hank's right because He says He's right.'"

John: "Now you're getting it! It's so rewarding to see someone come around to Hank's way of thinking."

Me: "But...oh, never mind. What's the deal with wieners?"

Mary blushes.

John: "Wieners, in buns, no condiments. It's Hank's way. Anything else is wrong."

Me: "What if I don't have a bun?"

John: "No bun, no wiener. A wiener without a bun is wrong."

Me: "No relish? No Mustard?"

Mary looks positively stricken.

John: (shouting) "There's no need for such language! Condiments of any kind are wrong!"

Me: "So a big pile of sauerkraut with some wieners chopped up in it would be out of the question?"

Mary sticks her fingers in her ears.

Mary: "I am not listening to this. La la la, la la, la la la."

John: "That's disgusting. Only some sort of evil deviant would eat that..."

Me: "It's good! I eat it all the time."

Mary faints.

John catches Mary.

John: "Well, if I'd known you were one of those I wouldn't have wasted my time. When Hank kicks the shit out of you I'll be there, counting my money and laughing. I'll kiss Hank's ass for you, you bunless cut-wienered kraut-eater."

With this, John dragged Mary to their waiting car, and sped off.
redchevyguy is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 13 (permalink) Old 03-24-2004, 08:06 AM
Lifer
 
thiscat2000's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: I am not watching anymore :P
Posts: 2,002
UMMMMM

i want my 3 minutes back

I'm defending my home with a martial art: Klik-Pau

thiscat2000 is offline  
post #3 of 13 (permalink) Old 03-24-2004, 09:36 AM
insert something aqui
 
junior's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: grand prairie
Posts: 5,779
damn ill just say its funny lol

1991 lx 5.0

lil ol 302

Back In The Jackstand Racing Crew!
junior is offline  
 
post #4 of 13 (permalink) Old 03-24-2004, 10:52 AM
Mach 1 | 32 V
 
Barbie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: the driver's seat
Posts: 5,469
I didn't get it

BARBIE LOVES BULLITT991 3.17.07
I'm a Barbie girl...In my Barbie world...
PROUD OWNER: '04 AZURE BLUE MACH 1
Barbie is offline  
post #5 of 13 (permalink) Old 03-24-2004, 12:00 PM
insert something aqui
 
junior's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: grand prairie
Posts: 5,779
wtf i take my other post back i dont get it, and no mater how i looked at it its stupid and does not make sence at all you should be banned

1991 lx 5.0

lil ol 302

Back In The Jackstand Racing Crew!
junior is offline  
post #6 of 13 (permalink) Old 03-24-2004, 03:06 PM
Golf anyone?
 
dan962000's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Pullin' wool, one sheep at a time.
Posts: 3,593
It's symbolism to show the discrepencies of Christianity and "circular" thinking of a belief in religion or God.
dan962000 is offline  
post #7 of 13 (permalink) Old 03-25-2004, 03:08 AM
Saint's heart sinner skin
 
hotrod66stang's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 2,113
wow, that's pretty weird that everyone thought the atheist joke was awesome (when it was actually stupid) but yet don't even get the fact that they're being made fun of here. sound pretty clueless to me. and no, i never said this one was funny either....a joke has a punch line, this was more like a story with a moral to it....a very dumb story with a moral to it.
hotrod66stang is offline  
post #8 of 13 (permalink) Old 04-13-2004, 04:15 PM
I keep getting older...
 
Phoenix's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Plano, crappy Plano
Posts: 1,470
What kind of weiner where they talking about?



2004 Pulse Red GTO. 1 of 510. 350rwhp, 363rwtq
Phoenix is offline  
post #9 of 13 (permalink) Old 04-14-2004, 03:21 PM
At least it sounds fast
 
TrueBlueGT's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: In hiding again
Posts: 4,752
Quote:
Originally posted by Phoenix
What kind of weiner where they talking about?
exactly. Hot Dog? Smoked Sausage?
TrueBlueGT is offline  
post #10 of 13 (permalink) Old 04-15-2004, 06:53 PM
Scared s**tless
 
DON SVO's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: Dallas City Hall, SKYPING
Posts: 15,056
excellent. i loved reading that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by HarrisonBT
I sound shit out man, lol. Firefox didnt have a suggestion. I figure A) I'm waay too far off, or B) It's spanish, and Firefox is an English Fox.

I facepalm myself.
DON SVO is offline  
post #11 of 13 (permalink) Old 04-15-2004, 07:40 PM
Married Man on 14Feb2010
 
TexasDevilDog's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Fort Worth, Texas (North Side)
Posts: 14,140
Quote:
Originally posted by Barbie
I didn't get it
It's symbolic to show the discrepencies of Darwinism and "circular" thinking of a belief in evolution.
TexasDevilDog is offline  
post #12 of 13 (permalink) Old 04-15-2004, 07:42 PM
Married Man on 14Feb2010
 
TexasDevilDog's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Fort Worth, Texas (North Side)
Posts: 14,140
Quote:
Originally posted by TrueBlueGT
exactly. Hot Dog? Smoked Sausage?
I think if you go to the store, you can see the difference between weiners, hot dogs and sausages.
TexasDevilDog is offline  
post #13 of 13 (permalink) Old 04-15-2004, 07:51 PM
Lifer
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Lafayette, IN
Posts: 1,063
I hate you...

Regarding Slo3gt:

Quote:
Originally Posted by SS Junk View Post
Whining about someone disclosing their salary on a message forum usually leads to said whiner being a broke dick. If you don't like it, go elsewhere.
hedkutter18 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Bookmarks

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on the DFWstangs Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in










Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Linear Mode



Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome