new priest - DFWstangs Forums
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
post #1 of 13 (permalink) Old 02-06-2004, 05:44 PM Thread Starter
Merry HoHo
 
SNEAKY's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: User Id: 30310 Name: SneakyDaPimp
Posts: 32,791
new priest

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, " When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."



So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.

At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.

8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.

9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

10)We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."

11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me"

12)The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry,.

13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at ST.Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

.(OBAMA) One Big Ass Mistake America
SNEAKY is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 13 (permalink) Old 02-06-2004, 06:38 PM
Party at the moon tower
 
chevyhater01's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Rowlett
Posts: 1,788
that was freaking hilarious
chevyhater01 is offline  
post #3 of 13 (permalink) Old 02-06-2004, 07:13 PM
Married Man on 14Feb2010
 
TexasDevilDog's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Fort Worth, Texas (North Side)
Posts: 14,140
TexasDevilDog is offline  
 
post #4 of 13 (permalink) Old 02-06-2004, 07:34 PM
Time Served
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: in the country. Potosi
Posts: 941
Smile

its been done but still funny

00 Dodge 2500 4x4
Cummins 5.9l 100hp injectors, 5" exhaust, custom converter and trans, smarty tuned, afe/k&n intake,
adj wastegate, fass pump
atowncruzer is offline  
post #5 of 13 (permalink) Old 02-08-2004, 05:56 AM
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Posts: 36
one the funniest things i've ever heard.
98Demon is offline  
post #6 of 13 (permalink) Old 02-08-2004, 07:26 AM
F8L-Jay
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: new priest

Quote:
Originally posted by SNEAKY
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After mass Jesus was constipated and had a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
post #7 of 13 (permalink) Old 02-08-2004, 06:50 PM
Wolverines!!!
 
SlowLX's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: 1st Civ Div
Posts: 9,261
HAHAHAHAH Marry with the Cherry
SlowLX is offline  
post #8 of 13 (permalink) Old 02-08-2004, 10:15 PM
F U C K Off!
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: N R H
Posts: 1,661
lmao!

-94 2dr Tahoe w/ 3" lift
-96 Black TA 6spd
1Fast97GT is offline  
post #9 of 13 (permalink) Old 02-09-2004, 01:22 AM
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Posts: 3,449
thats great lol
spurlock_racing is offline  
post #10 of 13 (permalink) Old 02-09-2004, 01:26 AM
El Camino
 
Stang2be's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: in front of the keyboard
Posts: 3,432
LOL

2007 Taurus SEL - daily driver
1974 El Camino SS - 400sb

Quote:
Originally Posted by purrrfectstang
Umm.. what is the ID-10T settings?
Stang2be is offline  
post #11 of 13 (permalink) Old 02-09-2004, 09:45 PM
Time Served
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Quitman, Texas
Posts: 253
hahaha lmao
89GT Man is offline  
post #12 of 13 (permalink) Old 02-10-2004, 12:59 PM
insert something aqui
 
junior's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: grand prairie
Posts: 5,779
cant breathe
that was great

1991 lx 5.0

lil ol 302

Back In The Jackstand Racing Crew!
junior is offline  
post #13 of 13 (permalink) Old 02-18-2004, 09:03 PM
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Posts: 36
ttt, cuz it's great
98Demon is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Bookmarks

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on the DFWstangs Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in










Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Linear Mode



Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome