Dear Dogs and Cats, - DFWstangs Forums
 
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post #1 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-16-2003, 02:08 PM Thread Starter
Philippians 4:13
 
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Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Little Elm
Posts: 7,787
Dear Dogs and Cats,

Dear Dogs and Cats,
When I say to move, it means go someplace else,
not switch positions with each other so there are
still two of you in the way. The dishes with the
paw print are yours and contain your food. The
other dishes are mine and contain my food.
Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of
my plate and food does not stake a claim for it
becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that
aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed my NASCAR and is
not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not
the object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I
fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size
bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I
will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure
your comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats
sleeping, they can actually curl up in a ball.
It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to
each other stretched out to the fullest extent
possible. I also know that sticking tails
straight out and having tongues hanging out the
other end to maximize space used is nothing but
sarcasm.
My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit
from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you
there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob,
or get your paw under the edge and try to pull
the door open. I must exit through the same door
I entered. In addition, I have been using the
bathrooms for years, canine attendance is not
mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the
other dogs' butt. I cannot stress this enough. It
would be such a simple change for you.
To pacify you I have posted the following message
on our front door.....

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to
Complain About our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes,
stay off the furniture.

3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most
people.

4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an
adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks
on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

5. Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat
less, don't ask for money all the time, are
easier to train, usually come when called, never
drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using
friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about
buying the latest fashions, don't wear your
clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for
college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell
the results.
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post #2 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-16-2003, 02:49 PM
Lifer
 
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Posts: 4,416
I don't feel like reading all of that. I'm sure it's funny in one way or another.
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post #3 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-16-2003, 04:43 PM
Merry HoHo
 
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Location: User Id: 30310 Name: SneakyDaPimp
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Quote:
Originally posted by Amber
I don't feel like reading all of that. I'm sure it's funny in one way or another.
LMAO, i think that was funnier.

.(OBAMA) One Big Ass Mistake America
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post #4 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-17-2003, 08:51 AM
Lifer
 
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Location: Who gives a fuck?
Posts: 10,174
Quote:
Originally posted by Amber
I don't feel like reading all of that. I'm sure it's funny in one way or another.
Then you missed out cuz it was hilarious!!!
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post #5 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-17-2003, 08:59 AM
Ted
Opulance. I has it.
 
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Location: Las Irving
Posts: 13,034
Quote:
Originally posted by GTChick01
Then you missed out cuz it was hilarious!!!
Hilarious as having a Pit that looks like a fat beagle??
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post #6 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-19-2003, 06:13 PM
gotta love hotties
 
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cant believe i read all that
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post #7 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-20-2003, 12:14 PM
Factory Issue
 
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Location: Shippensburg, PA
Posts: 12,295
Quote:
Originally posted by Teds03gt
Hilarious as having a Pit that looks like a fat beagle??
it wouldn't be funnier to have a fat beagle who thinks he's a pit? I had one of those. The mailman laughed a lot.

Give me a dollar.
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post #8 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-20-2003, 12:25 PM
Playa from tha Himalayas
 
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Location: DFW
Posts: 1,186
Re: Dear Dogs and Cats,

Quote:
Originally posted by MustanGirl

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to
Complain About our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.
My thoughts exactly!! One of my friends came over not to long ago with a friend of his that I don't necesarily care for. He tries to come in my apt and tell me to lock my dog up cause he was bothering him. I told him me AND my dog live here, if you don't like it YOU can leave! What a fuck tard!

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post #9 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-20-2003, 12:49 PM
Lifer
 
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Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Who gives a fuck?
Posts: 10,174
Quote:
Originally posted by Teds03gt
Hilarious as having a Pit that looks like a fat beagle??
He's not so fat anymore.... he's growing into his body so leave him alone!
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