Bcar
01-29-2003, 10:21 PM
>
>1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?
>
>AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked
>intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package.
Perhaps
>it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.
>
>2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:
>
>Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a
gunman
>who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas
>canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them
in the
>police line, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up."
>
>3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???
>
>An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and
forced
>him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the
>kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
>
>4. THE GETAWAY!
>
>A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and asked for all the
money
in
>the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the
store
>clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police
showed up
>and grabbed him.
>
>5. DID I SAY THAT???
>
>Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just
couldn't
>control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the
lineup
>to repeat the words: "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man
shouted,
>"That's not what I said!"
>
>6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??
>
>A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her
>contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?"
the
>doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"
>
>7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!!
>
>In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to
hold
>up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a
finger
>to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in
his
>pocket.
>
>(hellllllooooooo!)
>
>8. THE GRAND FINALE (I LOVE THIS ONE!!!)
>
>Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an
hour
east
>of Bakersfield, California, some folks, new to boating, were having a
>problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand
new
22
>ft. boat going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no
matter
how
>much power was applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go,
they
>putted to a nearby marina, thinking someone there could tell them what
was
>wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working
>condition. The engine ran fine, the out drive went up and down, and
the
prop
>was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in
the
>water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was
laughing so
>hard. NOW REMEMBER... THIS IS TRUE .... Under the boat, still strapped
>securely in place, was the trailer.
>
>Does any one else find it frightening the majority of these took place
in
>California??
>
>1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?
>
>AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked
>intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package.
Perhaps
>it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.
>
>2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:
>
>Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a
gunman
>who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas
>canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them
in the
>police line, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up."
>
>3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???
>
>An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and
forced
>him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the
>kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
>
>4. THE GETAWAY!
>
>A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and asked for all the
money
in
>the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the
store
>clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police
showed up
>and grabbed him.
>
>5. DID I SAY THAT???
>
>Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just
couldn't
>control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the
lineup
>to repeat the words: "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man
shouted,
>"That's not what I said!"
>
>6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??
>
>A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her
>contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?"
the
>doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"
>
>7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!!
>
>In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to
hold
>up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a
finger
>to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in
his
>pocket.
>
>(hellllllooooooo!)
>
>8. THE GRAND FINALE (I LOVE THIS ONE!!!)
>
>Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an
hour
east
>of Bakersfield, California, some folks, new to boating, were having a
>problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand
new
22
>ft. boat going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no
matter
how
>much power was applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go,
they
>putted to a nearby marina, thinking someone there could tell them what
was
>wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working
>condition. The engine ran fine, the out drive went up and down, and
the
prop
>was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in
the
>water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was
laughing so
>hard. NOW REMEMBER... THIS IS TRUE .... Under the boat, still strapped
>securely in place, was the trailer.
>
>Does any one else find it frightening the majority of these took place
in
>California??
>