Barbie
01-15-2003, 09:46 PM
>THE COLLEGE THEME PAPER: HE VS. SHE
>
>Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"?
>Well, here's a prime example offered by an English professor at an
>American University.
>
>"Today we will experiment with a new form of composition called the
>tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with
>the
>person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then
>write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the
>first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The
>first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and
>forth.
>Remember to reread what has been written each time in order to keep
>the
>story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking and anything you
>wish
>to say must be written on the paper. The story is over when both
>agree a
>conclusion has been reached."
>
>The following was actually turned in by two of my English students:
>Rebecca -last name deleted, and Gary - last name deleted.
>-------------------------------------------------------------
>STORY:
>(first paragraph by Rebecca)
>At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
>camomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home,
>now
>reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that
>he
>liked camomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her
>mind
>off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought
>about
>him too much her asthma started acting up again. So camomile was out
>of
>the question.
>------------------------------------------------------
>(second paragraph by Gary)
>Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack
>squadron
>now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about
>than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with
>whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to
>Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator "Polar
>orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he
>could
>sign off, a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a
>hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent
>him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.
>----------------------------------------------------------
>(Rebecca)
>He bumped his head and died almost immediately but not before he felt
>one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who
>had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its
>pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4.
>"Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,"
>Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously
>excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her
>youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no
>newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of
>innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one
>lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.
>---------------------------------------------------------
>(Gary)
>Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live.
>Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched
>the
>first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks
>who
>pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the
>congress
>had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who
>were
>determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the
>passage
>of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying
>enough
>firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them,
>they
>swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile
>entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret
>Mobile
>submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt
>the
>inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie
>and
>85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the
>conference
>table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's
>blow 'em
>out of the sky!"
>----------------------------------------------------------
>(Rebecca)
>This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My
>writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.
>----------------------------------------------------------
>(Gary)
>Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at
>writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have
>camomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F***ING TEA??? Oh
>no, I'm
>an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels."
>----------------------------------------------------------
>(Rebecca)
>Asshole.
>----------------------------------------------------------
>(Gary)
>Bitch.
>----------------------------------------------------------
>(Rebecca)
>Wanker.
>----------------------------------------------------------
>(Gary)
>Slut.
>---------------------------------------------------------
>(Rebecca)
>Get f****d.
>----------------------------------------------------------
>(Gary)
>Eat s**t.
>--------------------------------------------------------
>(Rebecca)
>F*** YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!
>----------------------------------------------------------
>(Gary)
>Go drink some tea - whore.
>
>************************************************** ***********
>
>(Teacher)
>A+ - I really liked this one.
>
>Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"?
>Well, here's a prime example offered by an English professor at an
>American University.
>
>"Today we will experiment with a new form of composition called the
>tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with
>the
>person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then
>write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the
>first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The
>first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and
>forth.
>Remember to reread what has been written each time in order to keep
>the
>story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking and anything you
>wish
>to say must be written on the paper. The story is over when both
>agree a
>conclusion has been reached."
>
>The following was actually turned in by two of my English students:
>Rebecca -last name deleted, and Gary - last name deleted.
>-------------------------------------------------------------
>STORY:
>(first paragraph by Rebecca)
>At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
>camomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home,
>now
>reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that
>he
>liked camomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her
>mind
>off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought
>about
>him too much her asthma started acting up again. So camomile was out
>of
>the question.
>------------------------------------------------------
>(second paragraph by Gary)
>Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack
>squadron
>now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about
>than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with
>whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to
>Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator "Polar
>orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he
>could
>sign off, a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a
>hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent
>him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.
>----------------------------------------------------------
>(Rebecca)
>He bumped his head and died almost immediately but not before he felt
>one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who
>had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its
>pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4.
>"Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,"
>Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously
>excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her
>youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no
>newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of
>innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one
>lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.
>---------------------------------------------------------
>(Gary)
>Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live.
>Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched
>the
>first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks
>who
>pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the
>congress
>had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who
>were
>determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the
>passage
>of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying
>enough
>firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them,
>they
>swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile
>entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret
>Mobile
>submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt
>the
>inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie
>and
>85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the
>conference
>table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's
>blow 'em
>out of the sky!"
>----------------------------------------------------------
>(Rebecca)
>This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My
>writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.
>----------------------------------------------------------
>(Gary)
>Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at
>writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have
>camomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F***ING TEA??? Oh
>no, I'm
>an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels."
>----------------------------------------------------------
>(Rebecca)
>Asshole.
>----------------------------------------------------------
>(Gary)
>Bitch.
>----------------------------------------------------------
>(Rebecca)
>Wanker.
>----------------------------------------------------------
>(Gary)
>Slut.
>---------------------------------------------------------
>(Rebecca)
>Get f****d.
>----------------------------------------------------------
>(Gary)
>Eat s**t.
>--------------------------------------------------------
>(Rebecca)
>F*** YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!
>----------------------------------------------------------
>(Gary)
>Go drink some tea - whore.
>
>************************************************** ***********
>
>(Teacher)
>A+ - I really liked this one.