Dracoe
08-23-2002, 12:50 AM
This one pretty much tells it like it is...
First you must learn to pronounce the city name. It is DAL-LUS, or DAA-LIS
depending on whether you live inside or outside LBJ Freeway.
Next, if your Mapsco is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a
new one. If you're in Collin or Denton County and your Mapsco is one day
old, then it is already obsolete.
Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Dallas has its own version
of traffic rules: "Hold on and pray".
There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Dallas. We all
drive like that.
All directions start with, "Get on Beltline," which has no beginning and no
end.
The morning rush hour is from 6 to 10. The evening rush hour is from 3 to 7.
Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out
and possibly shot. When you are the first one on the starting line, count to
five when the light turns green before going to avoid crashing with all the
drivers running the red light in cross-traffic.
Construction on I-35 and Central Expressway is a way of life and a
permanent form of entertainment. We're having sooo much fun with them that
we have added George Bush Turnpike and the High Five to the mix.
All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we're in Fort
Worth!"
If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory
defect. Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators.
All old ladies with blue hair in Mercedes have the right of way.
Period.
Inwood Road, NW Highway, East Grand, Garland Road, Marsh Lane, Josey Lane,
15th Street, Hillcrest, Preston Road ... all
mysteriously change names as you cross intersections (these are only a FEW
examples).
The perfect example is what is MOSTLY known as Plano Road. On the south end
it is known as Lake Highlands Drive, cross Northwest Highway and it becomes
Plano Road, go about 8 miles and it is briefly Greenville Ave, Ave K, and
Highway 5.
If asking directions in Irving or SE Dallas, you must have knowledge of
Spanish. If in central Richardson or on Harry Hines,
Mandarin Chinese will be your best bet. If you stop to ask directions on
Gaston or Live Oak, you'd better be armed.
A trip across town (east to west) will take a minimum of four hours,
although many north/south freeways have unposted minimum speeds of 75.
The minimum acceptable speed on the Dallas North Tollway is 85. Anything
less is considered downright sissy. The North Dallas Tollway is our daily
version of NASCAR.
The wrought iron on windows near Oak Cliff and Fair Park is not ornamental.
It is possible to be driving WEST in the SOUTH-bound Lane of EAST NORTHWEST
highway. Don't let this confuse you.
LBJ is called "The Death Trap" for two reasons: "death" and "trap."
If you go to the State Fair, pay the $5.00 to park INSIDE Fair Park. Parking
elsewhere could cost up to $2500 for damages, towing fees, parking tickets,
etc. If some guy with a flag tries to get you to park in his 'yard', run
over him.
Final warning: Don't Mess With Texas Drivers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LMMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!DRACOE
First you must learn to pronounce the city name. It is DAL-LUS, or DAA-LIS
depending on whether you live inside or outside LBJ Freeway.
Next, if your Mapsco is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a
new one. If you're in Collin or Denton County and your Mapsco is one day
old, then it is already obsolete.
Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Dallas has its own version
of traffic rules: "Hold on and pray".
There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Dallas. We all
drive like that.
All directions start with, "Get on Beltline," which has no beginning and no
end.
The morning rush hour is from 6 to 10. The evening rush hour is from 3 to 7.
Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out
and possibly shot. When you are the first one on the starting line, count to
five when the light turns green before going to avoid crashing with all the
drivers running the red light in cross-traffic.
Construction on I-35 and Central Expressway is a way of life and a
permanent form of entertainment. We're having sooo much fun with them that
we have added George Bush Turnpike and the High Five to the mix.
All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we're in Fort
Worth!"
If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory
defect. Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators.
All old ladies with blue hair in Mercedes have the right of way.
Period.
Inwood Road, NW Highway, East Grand, Garland Road, Marsh Lane, Josey Lane,
15th Street, Hillcrest, Preston Road ... all
mysteriously change names as you cross intersections (these are only a FEW
examples).
The perfect example is what is MOSTLY known as Plano Road. On the south end
it is known as Lake Highlands Drive, cross Northwest Highway and it becomes
Plano Road, go about 8 miles and it is briefly Greenville Ave, Ave K, and
Highway 5.
If asking directions in Irving or SE Dallas, you must have knowledge of
Spanish. If in central Richardson or on Harry Hines,
Mandarin Chinese will be your best bet. If you stop to ask directions on
Gaston or Live Oak, you'd better be armed.
A trip across town (east to west) will take a minimum of four hours,
although many north/south freeways have unposted minimum speeds of 75.
The minimum acceptable speed on the Dallas North Tollway is 85. Anything
less is considered downright sissy. The North Dallas Tollway is our daily
version of NASCAR.
The wrought iron on windows near Oak Cliff and Fair Park is not ornamental.
It is possible to be driving WEST in the SOUTH-bound Lane of EAST NORTHWEST
highway. Don't let this confuse you.
LBJ is called "The Death Trap" for two reasons: "death" and "trap."
If you go to the State Fair, pay the $5.00 to park INSIDE Fair Park. Parking
elsewhere could cost up to $2500 for damages, towing fees, parking tickets,
etc. If some guy with a flag tries to get you to park in his 'yard', run
over him.
Final warning: Don't Mess With Texas Drivers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LMMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!DRACOE