SLP007
04-24-2002, 03:09 PM
1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the
sweaty things.
2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we
still have monkeys and apes?
5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he
knows where all the bad girls live.
6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman,
"Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told
me, it would defeat the purpose.
7. Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters
wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as
mattresses?
8. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands
with soap?
9. If a man is standing in the middle of the forest
speaking and there is no woman around to hear him...is
he still wrong?
10. If someone with multiple personalities threatens
to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
11. Is there another word for synonym?
12. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what
they do practice?"
13. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it
all?"
14. What do you do when you see an endangered animal
eating an endangered plant?
15. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his
wages?
16. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
17. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they
afraid someone will clean them?
18. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless
or naked?
19. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
20. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
21. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he
has the right to remain silent?
22. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank
machines?
23. How do blind people know when they are done
wiping?
24. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow
road sign?
25. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because
they taste funny?
26. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
27. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk
about other people.
28. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
29. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy
adultery?
30. How is it possible to have a civil war?
31. If God dropped acid, would he see people?
32. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest
drown too?
33. If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be
hungry?
34. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you
done?
35. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to
have a "S" in it?
36. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead
of "asteroids"?
37. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot
at them?
38. Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because
of that song?
39. Where are we going? And what's with this hand
basket?
40. If the "black box" flight recorder is never
damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole damn
airplane made out of that stuff?
sweaty things.
2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we
still have monkeys and apes?
5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he
knows where all the bad girls live.
6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman,
"Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told
me, it would defeat the purpose.
7. Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters
wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as
mattresses?
8. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands
with soap?
9. If a man is standing in the middle of the forest
speaking and there is no woman around to hear him...is
he still wrong?
10. If someone with multiple personalities threatens
to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
11. Is there another word for synonym?
12. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what
they do practice?"
13. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it
all?"
14. What do you do when you see an endangered animal
eating an endangered plant?
15. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his
wages?
16. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
17. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they
afraid someone will clean them?
18. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless
or naked?
19. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
20. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
21. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he
has the right to remain silent?
22. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank
machines?
23. How do blind people know when they are done
wiping?
24. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow
road sign?
25. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because
they taste funny?
26. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
27. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk
about other people.
28. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
29. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy
adultery?
30. How is it possible to have a civil war?
31. If God dropped acid, would he see people?
32. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest
drown too?
33. If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be
hungry?
34. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you
done?
35. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to
have a "S" in it?
36. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead
of "asteroids"?
37. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot
at them?
38. Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because
of that song?
39. Where are we going? And what's with this hand
basket?
40. If the "black box" flight recorder is never
damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole damn
airplane made out of that stuff?