GTChick01
04-08-2002, 10:46 AM
CARDS YOU WILL NEVER
>>SEE IN A HALLMARK STORE:
>>
>>1. So your daughter's a hooker,
>>and it spoiled your day.
>>Look at the bright side,
>>it's really good pay.
>>
>>2. My tire was thumping.
>>I thought it was flat.
>>When I looked at the tire.
>>I noticed your cat. Sorry!
>>
>>3. You had your bladder removed
>>and you're on the mend.
>>Here's a bouquet of flowers,
>>and a box of Depends.
>>
>>4. Happy Vasectomy!
>>Hope you feel zippy!
>>Cause when I had mine
>>I got real snippy.
>>
>>5. Heard your wife left you.
>>How upset you must be.
>>But don't fret about it,
>>She moved in with me
>>
>>6. Looking back over the years that we've
>>been together, I can't help but wonder:
>>What the HELL was I thinking?
>>
>>7. Congratulations on your wedding day!
>>Too bad no one likes your wife.
>>
>>8. I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.
>>I never believed in Hell until I met you.
>>
>>9. As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am
>>that you're not here to ruin it for me.
>>
>>10. As you grow older, Mom, I think of all the
>>gifts you've given me. Like the need for therapy...
>>
>>11. Congratulations on your promotion. Before
>>you go, would you like to take this knife out
>>of my back? You'll probably need it again.
>>
>>12. When we were together, you always said
>>you'd die for me. Now that we've broken
>>up, I think it's time you kept your promise.
>>
>>13. You are such a good friend that if we were on
>>a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket...
>>I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.
>>
>>14. Your friends and I wanted to do something
>>special for your birthday-so we're having you
>>put to sleep.
>>
>>15. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!!
>>(available only in
>>Mississippi, Arkansas, and Stephenville Texas)
>>SEE IN A HALLMARK STORE:
>>
>>1. So your daughter's a hooker,
>>and it spoiled your day.
>>Look at the bright side,
>>it's really good pay.
>>
>>2. My tire was thumping.
>>I thought it was flat.
>>When I looked at the tire.
>>I noticed your cat. Sorry!
>>
>>3. You had your bladder removed
>>and you're on the mend.
>>Here's a bouquet of flowers,
>>and a box of Depends.
>>
>>4. Happy Vasectomy!
>>Hope you feel zippy!
>>Cause when I had mine
>>I got real snippy.
>>
>>5. Heard your wife left you.
>>How upset you must be.
>>But don't fret about it,
>>She moved in with me
>>
>>6. Looking back over the years that we've
>>been together, I can't help but wonder:
>>What the HELL was I thinking?
>>
>>7. Congratulations on your wedding day!
>>Too bad no one likes your wife.
>>
>>8. I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.
>>I never believed in Hell until I met you.
>>
>>9. As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am
>>that you're not here to ruin it for me.
>>
>>10. As you grow older, Mom, I think of all the
>>gifts you've given me. Like the need for therapy...
>>
>>11. Congratulations on your promotion. Before
>>you go, would you like to take this knife out
>>of my back? You'll probably need it again.
>>
>>12. When we were together, you always said
>>you'd die for me. Now that we've broken
>>up, I think it's time you kept your promise.
>>
>>13. You are such a good friend that if we were on
>>a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket...
>>I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.
>>
>>14. Your friends and I wanted to do something
>>special for your birthday-so we're having you
>>put to sleep.
>>
>>15. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!!
>>(available only in
>>Mississippi, Arkansas, and Stephenville Texas)